Law Is A High Stakes Game

There are many things I do not miss about law school (ok, that's not entirely true- I kind of nerdly enjoyed law school). But there is at least one thing that makes life in lawschool preferable to life in practice.

See, in law school, the worst you could ever do was to get a bad grade. In my school, the worst grade you could get was a D, unless you were really REALLY trying to fail... And that's pretty much it. The most horrible thing that could happen to you was merely a lousy letter on your transcript. I do know, however, that at the time you are a law student, a lousy letter grade FEELS like the end of the world. But in reality, it's not. I've had my share of C's (no D's thankfully) and my life turned out ok. Despite the fact that each time I received a C in lawschool, I felt that a little piece of my earning power died and fell away forever and that I was sinking into a black hole of death, my life went on without a hitch. Now, I BARELY remember those feelings. So remember lawstudents, those feelings of hopelessness and misery are only temporary. But not the feeling of confusion, that pretty much sticks with you for life.

In contrast, things can get pretty ugly if you mess up in practice. We're not just talking about personal/career consequences either. In practice, if you mess up, it's really your clients' lives, futures, and bank accounts that suffer. I feel a little better representing corporations, but not much. Every time I turn around I feel like I discovery so many new ways to commit malpractice. It is SO important for a new lawyer to have good mentors that they can turn to. I don't know what I would do without the handful of lawyers in my firm that I can ALWAYWS turn to for a "quick question." These people are invaluable. And they just may prevent you from committing malpractice and causing your client to lose all his business assets.

In my firm, I hear stories all the time from the other attorneys about opposing counsel that have completely messed up their clients' cases just for not being vigilient about following Court Rules or for making really bone-headed moves. It scares me to think that one day I will mess up really badly and my opposing counsel will be telling stories about my goof up. I'm sure it's bound to happen, but hopefully not any time soon.

For Love Of Law

I love my job. Lots. Actually, I think it's crazy how much I love my job. I love my job. I love my own office. I love my co-workers. I love my bosses. I love my clients- from all walks of life and ends of the spectrum. I mean, I REALLY love my job. That's not normal right?

I still am amazed at how my quixotic, wandering and spontaneous soul ended up in a professional career with an admirable education and a legitimate job. I remember the tortures and the worries and the hauntings I felt about becoming a lawyer. I thought it wouldn't be for me. I thought I'd never be smart enough to succeed in the legal profession. I thought my chances were slim for landing a job, especially next to my impressive law review peers. And yet, here I am. I have an associate position in a successful (although smaller) law firm with some pretty impressive (ok not like majorly impressive, but impressive to me) clients. I receive praises for my work (most of the time) and the other associates and partners show their appreciation for all the projects I help out with.

I would never have believed in all my law school life that I would end up here. Happy, productive and on the top floor of a downtown Seattle skyrise. I thought I'd eventually graduate lawschool with misgivings. I swore I would end up lost among the legal profession, unsure of where I really belonged. I thought law school would lead me down a non-legal career path into governance or social administration. I wasn't logical or practical enough for a stuffy, paper-pushing office job. And yet. Here I am, soaking it up and loving it.

And now it all makes sense. Litigation is the perfect career path for me. I am super nerdy. I love to research. I love to learn things and be intellectual. I love to write papers. BUT I also like to be productive and see end results. Every time I get to write a motion, I satisy both of those parts of me. I get to write an argument for why something should happen and then I get to see that argument actually result in a Judge's Order and report back the end resuls to the client. It's PERFECT.

Also, litigation is awesome because, no matter how many years you practice law, you will ALWAYS come across a new issue that you've never seen before. Of course at this early stage in my career, everything is new. But it's refreshing to see that the experienced associates and partners don't know all the answers and it's kind of cool when they rely on your research and recommendations. Yesterday an associate asked me to write an opposition for a motion for expert deposition fees. Apparently, under discovery rules, if you request to take the deposition of opposing counsel's expert witness, you have to pay them for the time they spend "responding to discovery." But it's unclear whether this includes time they spend preparing for the deposition. At first, I thought this issue would be really boring- ew, fees and costs. YUK. But, it ended up being like a caselaw scavenger hunt to track down helpful cases from other jurisdictions and apply them to my case. Then applying that knowledge to a written final product that a JUDGE will read- it can't get any better for my nerdy self.

While I do love my job, it's not all 100% skittles and butterflies. I do find that my love for my job starts to dwindle by the time 5pm rolls around. And the nights that I am up until 1:30am finishing a "last minute, high priority" motion, I often rethink my career choice. But then I always wake up refreshed (or with a sleep deprivation hang-over, completely jacked up on caffeine) with a renewed sense of love.

And then there are paydays. Totally. Worth. Every. Late. Night.

The Daily Grind Is Not So Daily

Yesterday I put in my first 13+ hour day at the office. Yes, at the office. I didn't even just leave at the normal time and take my work home like I usually do. By the time 10:00pm rolled around and I started packing up, I was the last associate standing. I even met the nightly janitor. But I did turn red when he emptied my daily trash and only three hershey bar wrappers fell out. Oh and I discoverd to how to turn the lights back on after they automatically shut off. Adventures all around.

I wasn't 100% pleased when I caught my 10:30pm ferry. But you know what, that's ok considering how I felt in the morning.

Yesterday morning I arrived at work with a new case sitting on my desk, an responsive motion to draft, a few fires to put out and a partner asking me to research an interesting area of law. Last Friday I spent the majority of the day at a construction site warehouse sorting through dust boxes of documents. The day before that I made severall calls to a client in New Zealand and one in Canada. The day before that I was dealing an unexpected last minute surreply and with my MONSTROUS DISASTER (the topic of my previous post). Today I will probabaly be trying to figure out how to take the depositions of two people in California who are not parties to the action and do so on a shoe string budget.

Every day is different and I almost never can guarantee what the day will hold for me. This is why I not only NOT DREAD coming to work each day, but I actually LOOK FORWARD to it. My job is exciting and it changes all the time. In litigation, you never know what tactic the other side with throw at you, you have to dodge or extend discovery deadlines, and learn to navigate the court rules. You have to think through the issues and the facts to develop a case theory and plot out a plan of action.

Right now I am just so thrilled that I chose to pursue this messy and crazy world of law. I kind of just fell into my career in litigation but I'm pretty sure there is no other career I'd rather have.

Proud Owner Of One Case List!

I talked to the officer manager at my firm to tie up some loose ends regarding my W-2 statement from last tax year. I told her how excited I was to being work in March. Part of me wanted to call just to make sure my offer really exists and that it's hasn't been some crazy fantasy 6 months in the making by my imagination. I expected to hear any one (or all) of the following:

"Sorry, we changed our minds, we don't have a job for you."
"The work you did on that big case last summer caused us to lose billions of $ for our client. We take back our offer because you suck at law."
"We just hired someone for your position."
"Associate position? What associate position? Are you off your meds?"
"We're gonna have to file a restraining order against you if you don't leave us alone."

But to my shock and surprise, she said this:

"We are looking forward to having you. The partners are already putting together a case list for you."

WHAT?

I have a case list?

I HAVE A CASE LIST!

OMG.

As I sit on my couch stuffing my face with Peanut M&Ms lamenting my bar exam woes and trying not to fall asleep during Barbri lecture (commercial paper- must stay awake!), my career is being determined! It feels like predestination. The cases which will begin my legal career are being pre-determined as we speak.

Oh man. I hope they are good cases. I hope they are challenging and complex and involve sexy legal theories like the Economic Loss Doctrine and Respendeat Superior.

I wonder if the clients are being told that I will be the associate on the case? Imagine that! Managing partner could be telling my very first client right now "Cee will be the associate on your case starting in March...?" I wonder what that client would think if they knew I was barely a graduate, sitting on my couch hour after hour, in my sweats, shoving M&Ms down my throat, crying, moaning and pulling my hair out over the bar exam? Not a pretty sight.

I know I can't officially practice law until I am sworn in. But it's so close. I can almost taste it. I cannot wait until March, my life will be so good in March- fancy suits, cute pumps, lawyer briefcase, planned depositions, drafting pleadings, meeting with REAL clients- MY clients. I just have to survive until then.

I almost (ALMOST) feel encouraged to study commercial paper now.

Spend Now, Income Later

So I think I've mentioned before how I feel guilty that I have a job lined up while my classmates who graduated 6 months ago are still job searching. I really do feel guilty. I know I probably shouldn't, but that's just how I am- I am the person who feels so guilty using the last piece of toilet paper in a public restroom that I opt for the seat cover instead. In a world of natural selection, I'd die out first because I'd be too guilty outliving someone else.

As much as I do feel guilty about the associate positon I have lined up for immediately after the bar exam, I am SO FREAKING GRATEFUL to have potential employment. My firm officially made me an offer on fancy letterhead and everything. And I officially accepted the offer. But nothing in life is ever this easy. I have this horrible sensation in the pit of my stomach- like it's not real. It's too good to be true. My biggest fear right now is that the firm will take back their offer before I begin. It's this haunting feeling that won't go away. I think it has to do with the fact that the economy is still on the mend and that most lawstudents in my class have been unemployed for six months, and have no bites. And I've heard horror stories from others about rescinded job offers.

Thank you employment law research memo of summer 2007 for reminding me that I have no property interest in an at-will employment position.

Anyway, I need this job more than ever now. Part of it has to do with my $120K in outstanding student loan debt. Part of it has to do with the fact that I need a career and experience. But mostly, I'm worried about how the hell I'm going to pay off my Christmas shopping!! I'm relying heavily on my credit card now. I may be broke, but dang it- it's CHRISTMAS. Did you hear me? It's CHRISTMAS! If you have to load yourself down in credit card debt, CHRISTMAS is a darn good reason. (But seriously, someone take my card away because I just can't stop!) The first ten gifts for my son were completely necessary, but I'm starting to question if he REALLY needed the singing and dancing light up elf, or creepy elmo that sings when you shake him (what is THAT supposed to teach our children?), the Twilight boxed set, or the "Santa Is My Homeboy" t-shirt...

I'm saving all my receipts in case I have to prove the element of "reliance" for a restitution-breach of contract claim. (How sick am I for thinking this way- thank you law school).

Hold The JD! I Need To Re-Do Lawschool!

My experience leading me into the legal profession can basically only be described by one word: stumble. I stumbled my way into law school after graduating with a useless political science degree and no future direction or particular career goal. One of my friends wanted to go to lawschool and I just thought, what the heck, I'll try it.

I signed up for the LSAT at the last minute, around my undergrad graduation, while other members of my graduating class had taken their LSAT at least six months before me. When I received my decent LSAT score, I applied to law school because, what the heck else was I going to do?

In law school, I stumbled my way through courses. I didn't know what a tort was until well into my first week of torts class. I didn't even know exactly what lawyers DID. But I wanted to do something intellectually challenging and mildly prestigious. I still didn't want to be a lawyer. I didn't even have an interest in any particular area of law. I enjoyed studyig law but I lacked a driving passion to be part of a certain area of practice.

After my first year, I stumbled into a legal internship while working for a public agency-- the local lawyer handling real estate issues for the agency recruited me. I discovered that while I was a mediocre law student, I had a knack for practice. I received constant praises and acknowledgment for my work even though I didn't think I did anything outstanding (and was often confused by the legal work I was doing). Anyway, once I started to pretend to practice law, I was sold on the idea that I could, in fact, be a lawyer.

Then I stumbled into a summer associate position at a small litigation firm in Seattle. I enjoyed the work I did at the firm, which was mainly in the area of construction defect and insurance defense. They gave me an offer at the end of the summer and I took it. So, I guess you could say I also kinda blundered my way into a job. I feel like it was pure luck that I randomly picked a profession that I ended up loving and that I was offered a job in a field I ended up enjoying. Clearly, my experience has not involved chasing after purposeful goals or desires. I didn't see anything I really, passionately wanted and then set myself out to achieve it. I kind of went with the flow and miraculously made it out alive, well and satisfied.

Go figure that in my last two months of law school I would finally find it. My legal field of passion! I picked up an article about LLM programs in the United States. I was comparing the legal focuses of all the different programs. Some emphasized insurance law, some corporate, etc. My eyes glanced at an Agricultural Law LLM program in Arkansas. I started reading about Ag Law. The more I read, the more fascinated I became. Ag Law is a web of rules and regulations that protect agricultural businesses, farmers and our food from the time it is planted or grown to the time it reaches our tables.

I found myself drawn to this area of law, one in which I had absolutely no interest in before. And now, the more I learn the more I am sure that I absolutely have to be involved in it somehow. I can totally see myself practicing in this area! But the bad news is that I'm already graduating. I can't look for externships or take relevant classes. I can't build this passion as a student through student organizations and events. I'm all set to start practice in another area of law. And I know NOTHING about job opportunities or the job market in Ag Law.

I feel stuck. I have to figure out how to get to the land of Agricultural Law while riding a speeding train that's quickly heading to the Graduation Town and Insurance Law City. Any advice out there? Anyone have any knowledge pertaining to careers in ag law? The long awaited discovery of my deepest, darkest law passion- has it come to late?

Put Your Lawyer Voice On

The hardest skill I had to learn when I started my first legal internship was not necessarily the law firm filing system or what an Interrogatory was or even how to work the crazy toilet handles in the bathroom (push up for "solids" and down for "liquids"- weird huh?!). No, the hardest skill I had to learn was how to talk. More specifically, how to sounds like a lawyer. I don't mean learning the legal jargon or how to sound like an intellectual asswipe. I mean, I had to train myself to talk in a "lawyer" voice.

My voice used to do this totally involuntary thing when speaking to elders, bosses, teachers, strangers or any time I was socially intimidated or shy. My voice would transform into a high, soft and "sweet" chorus of a sound. Like I said, it was basically invountary, kind of like a nervous eyetwich or something. Anyway, I was ok with this for many years. It worked great when I worked retail or did childcare.

But when I started my first legal internship, I knew, without a doubt that the "sweet" voice had to go. And not only because I had to listen to that voice over my own voicemail one day- it was horrific. It became clear to me that no Partner or client would liked to hear about a quantum assessment of damages from a sweet and unassuming voice. Partners, clients and other lawyers want to hear case analysis from an authoritative and confident voice. Similarly, it became clear to me that no one would take me seriously or treat me as an equal if I continued to use my timid voice. Somehow, I needed to be bolder and more firm.

I hate to say it like this, but when it comes to lawyer voices, the more stereotypically male you sound (as in deeper, stronger voice), the more credibility and authority your arguments and statements will possess. In a (still predominantly) man's career- you have to be as assertive and confident sounding as your peers do. Don't get the wrong picture of me, I don't walk around the lawschool or the office spouting words from the depths of a deep baritone voice. But I did have to train my voice not to automatically become an octave or two higher when conversing at work and at school. I had to train myself to just talk in my normal voice- if not a touch deeper.

Voice may seem like a small, petty thing but I think it is as important as how you dress in the workplace. I think most people are likely to have their first encounter with you over the phone or from a voicemail message. You want to leave the impression that you are confident rather than a timid pushover. I think this is especially important for a woman working in a man's field.

For the most part, experience with, knowledge in and comfort with the legal field and legal work is what helped me sound confident in my voice and in my tone. I still catch myself once in a while resorting to my old "sweet and timid" ways and it is still a struggle for me to keep confident and sound confident (especially meeting new people and being in new situations) but I'm slowly getting there. My opinion is, if you try to make yourself sound like a confident and authoritative person who is comfortable in her own skin in the first place, it is easier to feel that way.

When all else fails, for a confidence booster, start singing "Eye of the Tiger" to yourself while imagining everyone else in a sheer girly panties.

A Job That Pays More Than Salary

Ever since I received my job offer from my law firm I have felt different. On the outside, I'm mostly the same. It's an internal change. But it's also an internal change that has left some slight imprints on me externally as well- does this make any sense?

I feel like my entire educational journey has led me to this point. Every test I've taken, every pen I've purchased, every extra-curricular activity, every single time I've laced up my running shoes for a race. I feel on top of the world. I feel I have meaning and purpose and a place in this commercialized grown up world. Officialy, I am a Grown up! Without ever knowing it previously, my 18 years of education have brought me to this point and I can finally reap the benefits of all the toiling, trouble and pain of my adolescense and early adulthood. This is who I am and this is who I am supposed to be.

I think the biggest change is how pleased I am with the person I turned out to be. Like many growing children, I spent a lot of time imagining who I would grow up to be. I never wanted to be a lawyer but I always pictured myself as a smart, independent and confident adult. Coming from a "creative" but socially insecure child, this dream always seemed too distant from the reality I lived in.

But in some crazy unpredictable way, law school and my experiences in the legal profession have given me things I only used to dream about. In all aspects, I am independent, confident and I feel smart. Having the opportunity to work in a man's world in a predominantly male firm where work is hard and challenging and big corporate insurance companies are all depending on me, has finally shown me what has always been there-- I can do anything I set my mind to. It may seem lame and even insecure that it took a job offer to make me realize this -- in some way it seems like I'm measuring my self worth on the value society puts on my word-- but I finally feel like I am in a place where what I say and what I do is important and matters. I feel like I am an equal to all those fancy men in business suits with corner offices. I feel important. I feel glamorous. I feel like I'm in the big-leagues.

When I was young I wanted to be an astronaut. I will never forget the day my grandpa told me, "Girls aren't astronauts, you should just MARRY an astronaut." I was so angry and right there I made a silent vow to prove him wrong and show him I could do anything I wanted to do.

GUESS WHAT GRAMPS. I DID IT. YOU CAN JUST EAT THIS OFFER LETTER!

Second Thoughts on Negotiating Salary

First, read CM's post on salary negotiation- she has a great lesson for us all- especially for women.

Ok, so I had a hard time getting accurate information on the web regarding typical first year associate pay in my area. It just varies so much by firm size and type it's impossible to pin point. From what I've seen, big firms pay first years around $75-80 for the first year, while associates in small general practice firms can earn $40-50 per year. My firm is hard to profile. It's on the smaller side with 15-20 attorneys, counting the attorneys located in a second office in another state. BUT it's a litigation firm, specializing in some tricky areas of law, and our clients are mostly large insurance companies. So we don't exactly fit in one or the other and I don't know where my expectations should lie.

However, I did talk to some associates at my office today about their own experiences. In my previous post, the overwhelming recommendation seemed to be to negotiate. But the associates at my firm were less encouraging. One attorney whose opinion I highly value, told me that she tried to negotiate her salary and the partners wouldn't budge on their offer. She is highly experienced and even owned her own firm at one point. Another associate I talked to seemed rather shocked that I would consider negotiating. I was pretty put off by his response. The overall feeling from talking to other associates at the firm is that the firm is not very flexible in salary. BUT the firm has made it clear to me that they will happily allow me to work from home some days each week and even let me go part time should I desire (they made it clear this is not something they offer to every first year associate but that I have earned this privilege by working there for these past two summers).

The economy right now is pretty horrible and I feel luck to have this job offer and opportunity. I think it would be very, very hard to get another job right now. And considering the state of the economy, I think their offer is fair- as long as there are opportunities for promotions. So maybe I will play the gracious student who has eaten one too many frozen pizzas and be happy with any offer, for now. But I have taken all your advice to heart and I will keep it in mind a little farther in my career when I can point to my many accomplishments (hopefully).

I think it's ridiculous that men make more simply because they are more willing to ask for it. I will definately take that peice of information with me and I will be sure to always ask for what I think I deserve!

Advice Wanted: Negotiate Salary or Accept Offer?

Today I received my offer letter for full time employment. I officially have my offer! The annual billable requirement seems daunting but I think it's actually less than some firms. I am pleased to note that my employment terms include subsidy for a gym membership- woo hoo! Now I don't have an excuse right? (who am I kidding, I still have millions of excuses, I'm simply minus the one about the high cost of gym memberships).

Ok, so I'm hoping all of you out there who ever accepted a position for full time employment will give me some advice. The salary is ca-razy compared to what I'm used to earning --> zero. But I did expect the offer to be about 5-6K higher. Now I need to decide whether to just accept their offer or try to negotiate the salary.

Reasons to Negotiate:
First of all- what do law firms expect? They want to hire someone who will be a good lawyer right- well, I'll seem like a horrible negotiator if I simply take what they offer, right? Lawyers are expected to negotiate all the time. It's the bottom line of case management: getting a good settlement for your client. Well, I am the client here- will it look bad if I cave without a fight? Plus, I've worked for the firm for two summers, I've put in my time. I've shown them what I can do. I've already learned a lot.

Also, the job is tough and my firm has high expectations. This is mainly because the firm does only litigation. I will be a litigator and a trial lawyer. I will frequently spend extra hours at work with no additional overtime wage-yay for salary. This slightly scares me in the exciting "I'm Just About to Jump Out A Window With A Parachute, I Hope It Opens" kind of way.

Why Not to Negotiate:
Will it reflect poorly on me to throw out a counter offer? Will I seem like a high maintenance and disgruntled employee even before my start date? In reality, I AM just a first year associate and my capabilites are well below that of a trained or seasoned attorney. Will I be a drain on the firm for my first couple of months? Also, the economy sucks right now. My firm is one of the only firms actively hiring. The partners have a huge stack of resumes from qualified and experienced attorneys sitting on their desks right now- I've seen them. They don't NEED me.

Finally, I'm not good about this kind of thing. I know I'm intelligent and capable and willing to work hard, but I hate to show it. I'm confident in my abilities but the one quality I asbolutely dispise is arrogance. And I'm not very agressive when it comes to my personal needs or wants. I hate being the squeaky wheel. Negotiating will take a lot of courage and willpower. Will it make me look greedy and money hungry?

Help?!
What do you think? Do I negotiate or not? Part of me feels that three years of hell, two summers of doing time and a three day bar exam entitle me to more than what they have offered. But on the other hand, it's a heck of a lot more than I'm used to earning and I can live very well off of that salary (especially in combination with my husband's). What did you do?

If I negotiate- how much higher should my counter offer be?

How To Distinguish Parent Attorneys From Non-Parents Attorneys

From my own personal experience, these are good signs (aside from the minor fact that a doctor wrenched an eight pound baby from the incision in your gut) that you are a parent:

After a partner recites a string of swear words you remark that he has a "poopy mouth!"

You think your job is tough but you realize that if you went home you'd have to face diapers filled with black bean and strawberry end-product.

You wish that you could make formal discovery requests on your kid requesting the production of the remote control battery cover, your trusty pen drive, and all the refrigerator magnets he has been hiding the past week.

When your coworkers mention "happy hour," you immediately associate the term with a quiet room, a king sized bed, and an uninterrupted snooze.

Out of habit, you get the urge to clap encouragingly each time someone pleases you.

You think the office environment would improve greatly if everyone would just have some goldfish crackers and take a nap.

An associate starts whinning and your first instinct is to locate his binky and plug it in his mouth.

I Can Almost Taste It!

All summer at the law firm I've heard a rumor or two about the firm making me an offer for employment for next year (I officially graduate in December). This elusive offer is still, well elusive. But hopefully not for long!

Today the administrative assistant walks into my office. She asks me if I have a copy of the firm's case handling guidlines. Oh Shit. Here it comes. I did something wrong and I'm about to get the lecture of my life. The admin assistant is really nice and almost like a mom to the associates and staff but, like any good mother, she can be...well, don't get on her bad side- we'll just put it that way. At least she doesn't have a wooden spanking stick.

She closes my office door and plants herself in the extra chair. She's wearing a dress but manages to pull out a pad of paper and pencil from somewhere. She looks like she's about to recite my charges aloud to me. I get a naseous feeling way deep in my gut- even my spleen feels it. Maybe I should just fake that I have to pee and run out of the room desperately grabbing my crotch. Maybe that's the most elegant way out of this situation?

"So..."

GULP!

"The partners want to make you an offer for full time employment before you leave this summer."

WHAT THE HELL?!?! Now I do have to pee! From excitement!

"So I need to know when you graduate and take the bar and all that.

I tried really hard to hide my excitement. If it was possible for excitement to oooze out of your pores I would have been the sweatiest damn person on the planet. Looking back, I imagine that my eyes were swelling bigger and twinkling brighter than the eyes of a Japanese anime character on speed.

And that was how I got the good news. The news that for the first time in my life, I will be employed full time in a position that is my CAREER not just a job. Since I started law school, one thing alone has been on my mind- landing a real job at a law school after graduation. Now, I'm so close I can almost taste it! This will likely be the job that defines my career for the foreseeable future. That's what they always say- your first job out of lawschool most likely will guide the direction the rest of your legal career will take.

Now I just have to pass lawschool (heck, I don't even need to worry about grades anymore!) and the bar... so close and yet, so far. (Ok, I won't jump the gun, I realize the firm still needs to make me an actual offer- but stop trying to spoil my blog post with reality).

That's Why I'd Make A Horrible Mercenary

I learned something this past 37 hour work week. And it wasn't necessarily about practicing law.

I spent the past week and a half working on a mediation brief and damages analysis for this one particular case. And I'm looking at another upcoming week of pretty much the same thing. In fact, I think I've spent almost my entire summer moving this case past motions for attorneys fees, discovery requests, status reports for our client, damage assessments and the like. I've read a good amount of the medical records fand independent medical examinations or all five plaintiffs (count that- that's five sets of medical records and IMEs). I've read their deposition testimonies and viewed the recorded version of their actual depositions. I'm starting to feel as if I know these plaintiffs on a very personal level.

In fact, if I saw Ms. Plaintiff No. 1 walking down the street tomorrow, I would have the compulsive urge to strike up a conversation:

"Hello Ms. Plaintiff No. 1, how is that burning shoulder pain doing today?"
"I hope you and your third husband are patching things up. That must be hard on your daughter- the one attending community college."
"Did you really live in Colorado for three years? I've always wanted to go there."
"How's your scrapbooking coming along? And your cat named KeeKee is still doing well?"
"Do you really have a scar on your upper thigh in the shape of a pi symbol or does the picture just make it look that way?"
"You can't be serious when you say that scar is the cause of your sexual intimacy problems, Come on!"

I know WAY too much about these plaintiffs and their significant others. I mean it IS my job to know the full extent of their damages but do I really have to feel like a stalker in doing so?

Working on a handful of big cases this summer has given me some profound insights into my personality traights. It all makes sense now though- it totally explains everything about me. when I first get assigned a case or a project, it's like being handed a massive gift-wrapped box from Santa himself. When it comes to work projects, I eagerly fly straight into them, mouth agape and drooling at the possibilities- oh, the exciting legal doctrines that could come into play! The fresh page of a new word document is just a masterpiece of creative, logical arguments waiting to be created. The case, much like an unopened Christmas present, could hold anything! who knew what could be in store for me.

Then after everything has been unwrapped, removed, assembled and tried out, the excitment and eagerness disappears with the very newness of the thing. After spending a week trudging through legal analysis and research, the case is just an old exasperating gift standing between me and the next (new and more exciting) one.

That's where I'm at now. I just want it all to end. The excitement of this case has been flushed out of me and I drag my feet around the office like I'm stalling for an alien body snatcher to take me away from the dullness of my life.Maybe I'm in the wrong line of work if my interest in projects only lasts one week. It could be worse though, imagine a mercenary getting tired of chasing his target after one week, suddenly blowing off his entire mission... ok, maybe don't imagine that, I'm still stuck on my "mercenary falling in love with a librarian" romance novels.

Work will be ok though. In just one long WEEK I will be sipping margaritas, wearing a skimpy bikini on the beaches of Waikiki. (For clarification, I will be wearing the bikini, not my margaritas- although I wouldn't object if the glass decided to dress appropriately).

Briefing. Send Help.

Despite the state of the economy, the law firm I work for is pretty busy. Or wait, is it pretty busy BECAUSE of the state of the economy? I can't tell. But I do think people's law suit "trigger finger" gets pretty sensitive when budgets are tight.

The busy-ness is a good thing, I think. It means that instead of getting stuck under a pile of dull legal research projects, I get stuck under a pile of High Priority Really Important Assignments Due Yesterday. Hang on, I can't breath, let me move this Motion for Summary Judgment away from my left nostril. Ok, much better.

So, Big Boss Man is going on vacation. He pulls me into his office and after a pretty humorous discussion about fanny packs (apparently one of the partners wears one when he comes in every morning and when he leaves at the end of the day- but no one knows what is inside it or where it disappears to when he is in his office) we get down to business, or ahem, busy-ness.

"We have a mediation for this case coming up at the end of next month." This Case just happens to involve seven plaintiffs, an egregious accident, and a multi-million dollar demand amount. "I need you to track down some insurance documents for me, ok?"

I nod. Sure thing. This sounds easy enough.

"Oh and I need a mediation brief ready by the time I get back."

"Sure, no problem." I enthusiasticly reply. Because when you're dealing with a partner, you must ooze enthusiasm from your ear drums.

"Good. You can send me an outline of the brief before you get started so I can make sure we're going in the right direction, ok?"

"You got it."

I walk out of the meeting smiling. Then I sit down at my desk and start to think about tackling this assignment. Ok I need to write a mediation brief. Good. Ok.

Now what the heck is a mediation brief?

--------------------------

*Unfortunately, I now know what a mediation brief is. I just finished the outline. The OUTLINE is eight long pages. Mediation "brief" = oxymoron.

Hey Legislature? Are You Listening?

I dread talking to one of our clients. He's really weird. He thinks he knows ALL about the law. And he always acts put out by the fact that he HAS to talk to the law firm that is defending him. I mean come on dude, we're saving your butt from having to dish out possibly millions of dollars here. Show a little RESPECT?

Every time I have to talk to him it's always the same thing: "Can I sue my insurance company (technically the one defending him) for wasting my time?"

No.

"Can I cross claim against the Plaintiffs for wasting my time?"

Hellzz. No.

Don't we all wish wasting someone's time was the basis for a lawsuit? Wouldn't that be great? Personally, I would sue the people who invented billing time in six minute increments. Then I would sue that teenager who works at the food mart who won't stop hitting on me. Then I would sue the dumbass who cuts in front of me at the Dairy Queen drive thru and then has to study each item menu before placing an order.

If I was feeling especially litigous, I would sue my bank for making me fill out a stupid withdrawl/deposit slip when I could just wallk right up and tell the teller what I want (and she usually just asks me anyway). Then I would sue Ben & Jerrys for not putting all the cookie dough chunks on TOP of the ice cream, thereby forcing me to dig through the entire carton to find them.

I would sue sunday drivers. I would sue all members of the Jehovah's Witness (Go away already!). I would sue the people who shrink wrap CDs and DVDs because, seriously, why are those things so hard to open?!

Yes, I would have a lot of fun if I could sue people for wasting my time. Hey, while we're at it, we should be able to sue people because they're ugly and hurt our eyes. And we should be able to sue people who have horrible body odor in a public place (public nuisance anyone?). In fact, we should be able to sue people JUST BECAUSE WE'RE TOO AWESOME!

For example:

"COMES NOW Plaintiff CEE, by and through her attorneys of record, ROCKSTAR LAW, and brings her I'm Too Awesome lawsuit against the Defendant Mr. You Can't Have Your Dry Cleaned Garments Without A Receipt and in support thereof, states as follows:

1. On or about the entirety of my existence, I, Cee, am Too Awesome.

WHEREFORE, Plaintiff demands judgment to be entered against Defendant in the amount of one Victorias Secret Biolift Bra, size 34A and five Large bags of Peanut Butter M&Ms.

Respectfully Submitted,

Cee

Putting The Ass in Associate

On Monday I made the mistake of confiding in a young associate. I admitted that I still wasn't feeling too hot from consuming too much alcohol on the Fourth of July. Of course I told him, "I never do stuff like this!" and he was all like, "Yeah, SURE you don't."

Coincidentally, I had gone out to lunch with him and a paralegal last week and let it slip that I choose my purses based upon whether or not they can hold a 5th of rum. This clearly did not help me out on this particular Monday.

Later in the day I walked by his office and he taunted, "There she goesssss, the office druuuuunk..."

Then at the end of the day he saw me in the file room looking through some client files.

"Hey, Cee. You can stop looking in that file cabinet. They don't keep any booze in here."

Ha ha. So funny. Can you say that a little louder. I think there is still one partner in the office who didn't hear you! That's what I deserve I guess.

Cee Goes To Court! (And Kicks Butt)

Last week Associate slaps some briefing on my desk. "This is our co-defendant's motion for attorney fees," he says. "We need to file an opposition. I talked with the partner and, seriously, we don't think we can get out of this. But make any argument you can think of to try to fight it."

We go through the options... but they all seem like long shots. The judge will know we're just stalling. I decide to do some quick research before I actually start drafting our opposition.

What? What is this? The FIRST case listed in my Westlaw search results touches precisely on our issue. And case law is not only in our favor but it is CLEARLY in our favor. Did the co-defendant's counsel even RESEARCH this issue? Turns out the "attorney fees" our co-defendant demands are actually an element of "damages" to be determined at trial. The judge cannot award these fees, only the jury can determine how much we owe. Thank you Washington Constitution for providing us with the Right to a Jury Trial. OMG. We're going to CREAM them (unless of course, the judge is an idiot- which I hear happens).

After we file our opposition, the associate asks me if I want to accompany him to the hearing. OF COURSE! We show up to court in our unintentionally matching suits and shirts- the uniform of hard core, kick butt attorneys. We find our way through the maze that is the county courthouse (not before I have to relinquish my yogurt to the security guard- you know because my Raspberry Cheesecake yogurt is actually anthrax in disquise) and find our courtroom.

It always amazes me how plain and old looking county courtrooms are. Definately NOT what a court room on primetime television looks like. It also amazes me how formally informal hearings are when you are not at the appellate level. Hey, that judge isn't so scary after all- why did I tremble so much throughout my legal writing oral arguments from 2L year?

The co-defendant's counsel showed up looking like a huge skeeze-ball. Fancy gelled hair, expensive suit and a nasally voice. His hands shook the entire proceeding and he looked nervous but he also looked like he would talk your grandma out of her last pair of clean underpants if given the opportunity.

The judge listened to arguments from both sides then flat out said to co-defendant's counsel, "Your argument is stupid and weak. You fail this hearing and you fail at life." Ok maybe she didn't use those exact words... So in the end, we won a hearing that we had originally thought we would lose by a mile. This is the second briefing I've worked on to go to hearing and the second briefing I've worked on that was successful- I'd say my record is pretty good so far.

We walked out of the court room with the co-defendant's counsel and shared an elevator with him. He tried to save some face by telling us, "Well I had to make SOME argument. I can't believe my boss made me take this one."

The associate I work with looked at him and said, "Yeah, our law clerk's research really put your argument out on a limb. She found the case law. It's all her fault." Suggesting both (1) that it only took a lowly law clerk to bring down their top dogs and (2) that I did a good job.

I just humbly smiled at the co-defendant's counsel and offered a sincere but ironic, "Sorry."

Adventures In Client Communications

I called up a client today to get him to answer some interrogatories. This guy had one of those names where you think- "really? Someone gave you that name at birth?" His name was so punk rockish (let's pretend its Danger) that I hope to god he willingly chose it.

Me: "Do you have any other information about this incident aside from what's in the police report?"

Danger: "Hey, will they actually win this case? It's so bogus. They're like the people who sue movie theaters because the theater is too dark and when they came back into daylight they claim they got an eyeball sprain from being exposed to brightness."

Me: "I'm not really qualified to discuss the merits of the case."

Danger: "It's like someone who wants to sue his doctor because he gets a hangnail and the doctor didn't tell him how to properly clip his nails. Or like suing McDonald's for hot coffee.

Me: "Do you know if there were any other eyewitnesses or other people present at the time of the incident?"

Danger: "Dude (love when people call their lawyers 'dude'). I wasn't even involved. I didn't even know about the accident until a year later. Can we just put down "George Bush?" That would be hilarious. The judge would get a kick out of it. People take these thing too seriously anyway."

Me: "These things as in -- 'lawsuits for wrongful death'?"

Danger: "Oh I know! If you go to trial you should call me as an expert witness. It would be awesome. I'll show up in an orange afro and a clown suit."

Me: "Hopefully we'll settle before that is necessary... So, are you aware of any illness or medical condition that might have impaired the co-defendant's ability to operate a vehicle?"

Danger: "How about douche-baggery? He's a real douche-bag. That's a medical condition isn't it? By the way, if you ever talk to him tell him he owes me money."

Me: "I'll just put down that you are not aware of any illnesses."

Danger: "Hey, my insurance company is paying for all of this right? Can I sue my insurance company for wasting my time and making me answer these questions?"

Me: "Let me get this straight. You wan to sue your insurance company for carrying out their contractual obligations by defending you in this lawsuit?"

Most people want to sue their insurer for bad faith failures to defend or deny coverage. This guy wants to sue his insurance company for DEFENDING HIM IN A LAWSUIT. HUH?!

Kind Of A Touchy Subject?

I walked into an associate's office to ask him a question about our client's responses to interrogatories in a case I'm dealing with.

I walk in, start asking my question but stop mid sentence.

"Do you think we should..."

I looked around the associate's office and saw piles and piles of papers and redwells all over the place. There were stacks of documents growing up out of the floors, and mountains of them bubbling up all over the associate's desk and conference table. It looked like an entire file cabinet died in there but not before expunging itself. I blatently said as much to the associate.

"Wow. It looks like a file cabinet exploded in here."

He looked around, looked at me and solemly replied:

"I hate my life."

Law Is Sexy

Around noon today I returned from my daily trip to the generic food mart with my daily can of Diet Dr. Pepper and my daily bag of Skittles.

As soon as I got to my office an associate walked by. He told me he was going for coffee and invited me to come along. Although I had just stocked up on my noon caffeine fix- I took him up on the invitation. I've learned that something as little as grabbing coffee with an associate can be a big boost in getting to know someone and becoming a welcome part of the office social strata. So now I NEVER pass up any opportunity to make a coffee run with someone.

I'm so glad I went too! During the elevator ride down we (genuinely) chatted about theories of law and legal topics that were of particular interest to us. I let it out that I am a number one fan of UCC Sales and Secured Transactions. The associate told me that his very first case involved sale warranties and that he has had a soft spot for it ever since. I repeated for him a description of my love for all things UCC.

Then associate said something I never expected to hear from anyone but me. He told me about a topic of sales law that he thought was...get this..... "sexy!" He explained to me about how under a construction contract, when the UCC statue of limitations wears out on a product, the general contractor can still be held responsible for defects if he does not disclaim the implied warranties about his work on the project. Then under an equitable estoppel theory, the general contractor can seek indemnification from the product seller or manufacturer. (sexy huh?!).

As soon as this associate used the word "sexy" to describe the legal theory, I knew I had a bes friend for life. Finally, another person who thinks the law is capable of being sexy- and not just "hot suited professional attorney in court" sexy but "nerdy intellectual discussions about legal theories" sexy.

I immediately confessed to this associate my profound and unrequited love for the Economic Loss Doctrine. And the circle was complete. We both returned from our coffee run intellecutally stimulated and hot and bothered. I might even have had tousled, sweaty hair and an unbuttoned blouse from just thinking about it all.