A Macho Gift

My husband recently turned 28 (wow, that seems wrongly old to me- I know in perspective, it's quite young, but still). For his birthday, I bought him a remote control (yeah, I know- lame). My husband is practical and he hates non-practical gifts so I thought it would be perfect since Jacob broke our old remote. And I didn't just buy ANY remote, I bought him a "Flick." It's like a wii remote. The motion of your hand does all the good stuff: change channels, adjust volume, play, pause and stop. It might have been an ok gift, if it worked for our tv...

My in-laws totally surpassed me this year though. They got my husband the ultimate manly gift- a weed wacker. It has a motor. It's loud. And it's practical. My husband was freakishly over-joyed. I just had to hang my head in shame for being outdone by so much. The best part of this gift, however, is not the fact that it will lead to the destruction of all the weeds in our yard. The best part of this particular weed wacker is it's incredibly unfortunate name:



Sorry, not a great picture.

Embarassingly, I was the only one in the room who thought the name was hilarious. As I pointed and laughed hysterically, everyone else looked at me with disgusted expressions as if to say, "how old are you? 12?!" So, of course...I had to share this with the blogging world.

A weed wacker named "shaft trimmer?" Who comes up with this stuff?

Billable Hours (Not) On My Mind

My billable hours for this week are HORRIBLE. To meet my yearly requirement I have to bill about 155 hours a month. This week I only billed about 22. Sigh. For my first week there was so much administrative stuff to do and then everyone wanted to take me out for lunches and coffees. Then there was the day my 7:20am boat was cancelled because it had a hole in it and the next ferry didn't leave until 8:45 (which got me to work after 10am).

I was planning on working hard this weekend to catch up. My biggest fear OF ALL TIME is not meeting my billable hours. But the Motion to Dismiss I was assigned to work on got put on "pause." I met with a partner Friday evening to get more work. He promised me that my own cases are coming my way, it's just that the other partners have to make time to go over them with me. So a lot more work is on the horizon, it's just not in my hands yet. The bad part is that my billable hours will suffer for my first two weeks. The good part is that I don't have to work this weekend!

I'm pretty confident that I'll be able to catch up soon since there seems to be a ton of work for me looming over the horizon. And the partner assured me that they will take the lack of work and the slow start of my first week into consideration when they do time reviews. I've noticed that it is very common for associates to come into the office on the weekend so I'm just going to try to enjoy my slow start. In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy the most adorable 18 month I know!

Thank You Anonymous

For helping me realize why I am doing this and why I need to do this.

When you posted your first comment a couple posts ago, my first thoughts were: (1) she obviously has no kids and (2) or she does have kids but she never had to choose between staying home with them and deciding to pursue a career. I guess it was the first.

Part of the reason I need to continue to pursue my career even though I am a mom is the fact that, unlike non-moms and men, working moms still have so much to prove in the workplace. Although it's not fair, it seems like we come to work with a strike against us simply because we choose to work and leave our babies in the capable hands of others. It's hard, both physically and emotionally even without the added pressures of society and co-workers. I happen to work in an environment that is tolerant and understanding so this helps a lot.

It's the people like Anonymous who show us we have to much to prove. It's ridiculous to me that people like Anonymous, who have no idea what it's like to be a parent can judge so harshly. I wonder what Anonymous would do if he/she ever had children. Would YOU give up YOUR career to stay home? I won't delete Anonymous's comments because I feel like, however unfair they may be, they are legitimate in the fact that many people think like this and working moms need to know that people still think like this.

Welcome to the 21st Century where women are just as capable of men as having successful careers. Where the home is not just the "woman's domain." Where men and women can jointly share domestic roles and responsibilities. Where the woman does not have to sacrifice her education, her goals, her drives, and her need to be a productive member of socitety to sit at home all day while her children are in school just so she can be there with a batch of freshly baked cookies when they get home from school.

Don't get me wrong, being a stay at home mom is a tough and demanding job and I admire those who decide to stay home. I'd decide to stay home if I knew it was best for my family. Women who CHOOSE to stay at home have my full admiration and respect. At this point in my life, it just isn't for me and I don't even think it is necessarily best for my family.

My New Life

Now I finally understand what people mean when they say that formerly foreign phrase, "I don't have time for facebook!" It used to shock me to my core that PEOPLE just didn't have time for FACEBOOK. I mean, Facebook soaked up like hours of my day at a time. It was the only way a lawstudent like myself could socialize- from afar and not in real time.

Well, NOW I know.

This has been a hard, busy and tiring week. And you get to hear all about it.

In some ways coming back feels just like I never left. I get my old office from the summer back. I'm still not quite a lawyer because I'm waiting on bar results so I get to do the same things I did as a summer associate. I know most of the people already so there aren't too many "getting to know the co-workers with small talk" awkward moments. In fact, the social part of work is AWESOME. My first summer I was so nervous and shy. Last summer I was more confident and didn't spend all my time hiding in my office. This year, I feel like quite the social butterflies and am very comfortable in my environment, it feels like an old shoe (except for remembering how to use the dang printer/copier/fax machine). Even annoying guy from the summer is already asking me to buy him coffee and calling me Pooky.

My first day was a little frustrating because my only project was to review and analyze invoices from co-counsel. UGH. It was horrible. The second day was pretty much the same. But today I was assigned three different discovery status reports to go out to our clients. I was also assigned a research project and the task of contacting another client and answering interrogatories. Oh and a Motion to Dismiss! This is more like it! I love working on tangible client deliverables and drafting pleadings! It was great to see the face of the associate who assigned me a status report when just 5 hours later I handed him my first draft- he was shocked and impressed that I had actually completed it the same day! That felt pretty darn good.

I love the partners. They are so friendly, personable, and approachable. I feel like they genuinely care about how I'm doing at the firm. They all have small children at home and they totally understand where the mommy in me is coming from when I show up to work. It feels great to have partners come into my office to give me assignments and end up staying fifteen minutes longer than expected because we are chatting it up about our kids (!).

There are only two frustrating things about work. (1) The famous BILLABLE HOUR. Sheesh. I'm so nervous about meeting my hours. I never had a problem working there over the summer but now that I'm salary I'm worried about slacking on meeting my daily requirements. (2) Learning how to practice law. I mean I feel heads above most first year associates that I know just because I know the very basics of business of insurance law practice already and I have two summers of experience. But there is still a steep learning curve when it comes to learning how to handle a case from start to finish- in that regards, I have MUCH to learn.

Finally, with the return to work comes the return of the Mommy Guilt. I leave the house at 7am and return at 7pm five days a week. That means I have about 1.5 hours each weekday to spend with my fast growing toddler. With Jacob, I'm so conflicted. I enjoy working and using my law degree but I feel guilty for not always being there. I feel like everyone but me is raising him. I worry that I am going to miss out on so much of his life. A heavy weight of guilt hits me each time I walk out the door in the morning. Why is working away from home so hard for mommies and not so hard for daddies (my husband never feels this guilty and conflicted, why do I have to? It's just so unfair)!

Cee, The Pretender

So the Real World begins for me this week as I start the first day of the rest of my career. I am pretty much 79% a walking ball of anxiety and 21% excited out of my mind.

I've interned for the past two summers at this firm but when I start on Monday things are likely to be very different. Instead of assigning me a research project or a single pleading to draft, they will hand me over a whole case list of my very own. I usually hate first days because they are so awkward and unproductive and full of paperwork, meetings and introductions. This time around it wont be so bad because I aready know most of the people and they are giving me my old office back (I LOVE my old office! It even has a view of Lake Union and if I croon my neck I can kinda see the ferry boats coming and going from downtown Seattle-not to mention that guy who likes to lay out on his veranda in his birthday suit!).

There are some great associates there who will be excellent sources of advice and I know I can go to them when I need some help or assurance. I had a great "mentor" there from last summer who was really smart and friendly and his opinion held some weight with the partners.

I feel all kinds of jitters. It's almost like the feeling you get the night before the first day of school- except after 6 years of being a student, first days of school are very familiar territory while first days as a "pretend" lawyer are still extremely daunting (I still haven't gotten my bar results or been sworn in- so what am I? A pretend lawyer?).

I just hope I picked out an appropriate outfit for my first day. I hope my alarm goes off. I hope it doesn't down pour during my walk to the office. I hope I can remember how to function at 8am in the morning. And I hope all the kids are nice to me.

Mommy 'Tude

I have days like yesterday and then I have days like today where I think nothing can prepare you for how awesome it is to be a parent. I was thinking just that today- I have always loved kids and babies growing up. I babysat throughout my 1L year for FUN. But nothing can prepare you for just how awesome it is to watch your own child grow, call you mama, give you kisses, and run into your arms with a big smile.


Today Jacob had his 18 month appointment. His head is still measuring 97th percentile, while his height and weight are still at 50 and 25-50 respectively. In our patient room Jacob watched a tractor outside the window doing some landscaping. He sat there for 15 minutes just watching that darn thing! We played with some trucks and he learned to rearend one with another and say "crash!" It broke my heart when he clung to me, pain in his eyes as he got his two shots. Then when the nurse went away, holding me was the only thing in the world that would make him feel better.

On the way to the car he pushed the elevator buttons and we threw pennies into the fountain. Then we stopped by my husband's office to say "hi" and husband blew up a balloon for Jacob. We watched Jacob try to pick up the balloon but each time he got near it, as he bent down, his foot would kick it either into his face making him giggle or straight out in front of him. Then he'd try again but accidentally kick the ball further. It was a riot!

He fell asleep before I got to do my grocery shopping so I carried all 25 pounds of that kid around the store while trying to pick out food and put it in the basket in my other hand. We were quite a sight and my arms were killing me by the time we went through checkout. Then we came home and did his animal puzzle (each animal puzzle piece makes a sound when you put it in the right spot) five times in a row before he was ready to move onto something new. We ended the day running around the park.

Today was clearly much better than yesterday. But I need to remind myself when things get tough that it really is all in my attitude. When I feel like Jacob is being especially difficult it is usually because I need to just let go and see things from a new perspective not because he is being "bad." I also need to relax and stop trying to keep us on a particular schedule. And I need to remember that it isn't vital to always have a perfectly clean house (although my husband would disagree with that one).

I guess they key to being a happy stay at home mom is maintaining a positive attitude. It's all about the outlook. The right attitude can turn a glass of spilled milk into a fun cleaning game. Attitude seems to set you up for success or failure and is truly half the battle.

Um, I'm still glad that I start work on Monday though.

Why I Can't Be A Stay At Home Mom

Occassionally I'll entertain this crazy fantasy of wishing I were a stay at home mom. Fantasy goes as follows: I'll spend my days making cookies with my son, enjoying sunny days at the park, we'll quietly read some books, spend an afternoon with our coloring books and have play dates with friends.

Then I spend a week (ok, it's only Tuesday but it's already been a long week!) at home with my son. And I quickly snap out of such foolishness thinking.

While he can be sweet, entertaining and hilarious, the other 75% of the time he is a wild little adventurous boy with a mind of his own. He has his own little personality, he knows exactly what he wants and he is very vocal about expressing them. While I absolutely love this about him, it results in the fact that we often (very often) disagree. For instance he thinks he can have cookie dough for breakfast, he doesn't need naps, the coffee grinder is a toy, cat food should be recycled, and that he can watch Elmo 14 hours out of the day. When I try to tell him otherwise, we have plenty of tantrums.

The hard part is that he wants to play with everything and try everything we do. He is very independent and wants to be a big boy. He loves to explore and learn about the world around him. I want him to do this but I'll only let him explore the taste of cat food so many times. I'll let him play with the water in the sink until I've cleaned up one too many messes in one day. It's great he wants to learn but how do I tell him to ease up on the messes?

Some days it seems like all I do is follow Jacob around and clean up everything in his aftermath: cat food, water and juice on the floor, crackers ground into the carpet, an over turned box of oatmeal, every toy known to man strewn about our floor, the contents of my wallet (typically three times in one day). It's enough to make me scream sometimes!

But there are little rewards along the way that seem to come at just the right time. Like when the oven timer goes off and Jacob looks at me, giggles and yells "beeep!" Or when he points at an object and says it's name for thr first time. And just when I think I've had enough and I'm just about fed up for the day, he climbs up on the table, comes over to me and gives me three big mouth kisses.