Friday, January 30, 2009

Where I Take A Cliche And Call It A Blog Post

Every since Jacob was born and I took that semester off of law school, I've been looking at life really differently. I used to view life as a series of tasks to finish and goals to accomplish. I was very focused on "end results." Even having Jacob was, in some ways, a task to complete, I wanted to get one baby cooked and done with before I started work. But now, I can't help put relax and view life as (cliche alert) a journey.

I'm revelling in the moment. I've put aside my task list for life and have started to enjoy whatever comes my way. I enjoy each day I have with Jacob, the smiles and the grumpiness, the good nap days and the bad nap days. I think this "life as a journey" mentality is a Mother's coping mechanism. If I measured the value of my life right now by how much I can get done or how closer I become to achieving my life goals, I would be walking around in a cloud of complete and utter disappointment. You can't get much done with an infant in the house. Also, this prevents me from seeing Jacob's babyhood as something I have to survive and get through. Instead, it helps me appreciate the small wonders that occur each day. He already is a little person with a little personality- I need to enjoy him NOW.

This mentality has carried over to my law school experiences too this semester. As I get closer to graduating I realize how incredible of an experience law school is. I'm soaking up the wisdom of my professors. I am actually thinking about how each case I read adds to my legal knowlegde. I *gasp* stopped surfing the web during lectures and have actually paid attention to discussions. I'm learning from my classmates and even ENJOYING them this semester. In fact, so far I'm spending this semester enjoying almost every minute I spend in law school

Knowing that my time as a student is limited and drawing to an end has really helped me enjoy the whole experience of being a law student so much more. I'm so much more thankful for the opportunities to expand my thinking and interact with professors. I love learning so much- law is a great field for people who love academics and who crave constant new intellectual challenges. I guess I'm just completely happy with where I am in my legal education and in my path towards a legal career.

This is such a stark difference from my feelings over law school last year. I was frustrated, exhausted and felt like I was getting nowhere. I don't know exactly what happened. I just know that I get so much more out of life when I don't worry too much about the end result and focus instead on each moment that carries me through the day.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Who Says Romance Dies When You Become A Parent?

Pillow Talk from last night:

Me: "Wanna have sex tonight?"
Husband: "I dunno, do YOU wanna have sex tonight?"
Me: "sure."
Husband: "ok..."

Neither of us makes an effort. [insert crickets chirping]

And five minutes later:


Monday, January 26, 2009

There Should Be A Stupidity Tax

I was at the coffee shop when I overheard The Golden Girls having a rather enthusiastic discussion.

GG 1: Oh I just hate when our city uses public tax dollars for unecessary things. Have you seen the new flowers they planted downtown?
GG 2: And those new red light cameras they set up at the intersection. Those cameras were supposed to pay for themselves when red light runners pay the fine. But since the city put them up, people stopped running red lights! Ridiculous!

Oh my. God forbid the government spend money on a safety device that ACTUALLY WORKS! So GG 2 would rather that people run red lights at the risk of endangering the public and pay $50 than not have people run red lights at all.

I wonder if she would feel the same way if she got hit while she was walking across the street to bingo (I was going to say Sunday service but wishing for people to get hit by cars on the way to church is just too mean, even for me).


Sunday, January 25, 2009

Dismissal GRANTED

My first litigation success!

When I left my summer internship in August, I had just finished drafting a motion for a case and Associate Attorney told me he would keep me updated. It was an exciting case! We were representing a government agency/insurance company in Canada that was being sued by an American company over an incident which had occured in America.

Associate asked me if I knew anything about International Law. On the spot, I was able to sputter something semi-coherent about immunity for foreign governments and their agencies. I had JUST taken an International Law course and was excited to put my casebook and knowledge to good use. So he let me draft an argument for dismissal of the suit based upon the Foreign Sovereign Immunity Act in addition to regular Rule 12(b) defenses.

Associate Attorney read my argument and asked if I had plagerized- he thought my writing was too good and that I had copied a journal article word for word or something. (Take that LW professor who gave me a less than optimal grade!). One thing that I really learned from this attorney was how to organize an incredibly long motion with well placed headers and other formatting techniques. He suggested that I read some of the legal writing guides written by Bryan Garner. (NERD ALERT) I just bought a couple off of Amazon because I was so impressed by what I learned and (SUPER NERD ALERT) I can't wait to get read them!

Back to the present: I just received an email from Associate Attorny informing me that the case was dismissed! The court held that our client was a governmental agency for purposes of the Foreign Sovereign Immunity Act and so they were granted immunity from suit. Ahhh...I'm on cloud nine. Even though I wasn't involved on this case from start to finish, I feel like I should be drinking a celebratory glass or two of wine (I'll pretend it's on the Canadian Government's dollar, or should I say Loonie?).

Saturday, January 24, 2009

"Junk Envy" And "Jeans Suck"

Ok, so I might have mentioned this once or twice, but I don't have much "junk" in my "trunk". As a result, I have junk envy. Since I have pretty muched stopped all forms of exercising that require me to get my junk off the couch (this is hard even with little junk), my pants are not quite fitting so well in the "junk in your trunk" department.

Halfway through the day, after bending down countless times to change diapers, pick up Jacob, and pick his things off the floor, my pants are riding my junk like an amateur cowboy on a bull...just awaiting to be bucked off. Why is it that jeans fit great right when you put them on, but by the end of the day, you might as well be wearing clown pants?

Should I invest in suspenders? Please God, why can't suspenders be in style?

So I clearly have to buy some new jeans. But I HATE buying new jeans for so many reasons. First of all women's sizes do not fit me. I should be happy about the fact that I can practically swim in a women's size 4 but really, it's just so inconvenient. And usually that's the smallest size I can find at the department stores. So I have to sneak into the junior's section...with all the emo/retro highschoolers and their emo/retro clothing. Ew.

Still not much luck. There is an abundance of skinny jeans. Skinny jeans make me look like a flamingo. Not so much for their color but for their silhouette of long, gangly legs. And skinny jeans always bunch up funny below the knees. In my opinion, skinny jeans are just an Ode to Anorexia. Let's take these healthy looking pant legs and STARVE them so they look skeletal- ahh, much better. Our entire culture is on a diet, including our jeans.

I embarassingly lurk among the clothing racks trying to not feel squeamish between a pink and grey striped sweatshirt featuring a skull and crossbones and a shelf with leggings in every color imaginable (help me). There are immensley faded jeans, jeans with rinestones, jeans with rips, bleach white jeans and jeans with huge stiching on the back pockets...none of which seem appropriate to wear to law school among semi-intellectuals.

I have tried going the designer route once. In my experience, Sevens stretch out way too much considering they cost as much as three law books (sad how I measure the cost of items in law books). I love to try on designer jeans, they make my backside look almost comparable to Teri Hatcher's on Desperate Housewives- she has such a great ass!, but the price tag gives me convulsions.

So to all of you who dress with more care than a streetfair monkey, please help! Where do you buy your jeans. I need some that make my lack of junk look awesome and that will not require the use of suspenders halfway through the day. Help, anyone?

Thursday, January 22, 2009

When Littlefoot's Mom Becomes Valid Secondary Legal Authority

It may be time to drop out of law school.

True Story:

In my Corporate Governance class we have to give presentations to the class regarding specific topics related to our reading material. The presentation topic today was the Role of Corporations In Society.

One of our most "interesting" classmates was presenting his opinion on the topic. He espoused the view that corporate activity should be more regulated by the government and that directors not only should be allowed to but should be required to take into consideration the interests of the public when making business decisions. He was arguing his social justice view on corporate law when he said (with grandiose, ADD-worthy hand gestures):

"It, like, might be a long time before Corporate Law, like, makes advances in social justice and, like, stops perpetuating income inequality in America. But, like, as Littlefoot's Mother said,

'some things you can see with your eyes; others you have to see with your heart.' "

The rest of the class kept exchanging glances to see if this last sentence was supposed to be a joke. Apparently, the presenter was dead serious about the Land Before Time reference. But that didn't stop the rest of the class from busting out into laughter.

Then he proceeded to distribute a "reward" to the classmate who had answered the most of his discussion questions. That reward? A mangy, ratty bean bag dog from his own personal toy collection. AWESOME, much?

I swear I saw the professor rolling his eyes.

Pregnant Again?

Just kidding.

I finally removed my pregnancy ticker counter from this blog. It was on the bottom of the page so I had forgotten all about it. Today I scrolled down and saw that the ticker had restarted itself! It said I was like 7 weeks pregnant! I have to admit- for ONE ITTY BITTY second I actually believed it- you know, because the ticker is like the absolute authority on my reproductive parts.


Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Um, Can You Repeat That Question?

If I seem distracted in class, it's because I am.
And this is why:

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Admin Law: Helps You Sleep Better

Mama was right. This stuff IS boring!

Monday, January 19, 2009

Guilty Mom Syndrome

Jacob used to cry himself to sleep. Never too long- perhaps 10-15 minutes. Sometimes I would lay him in his crib and he would fall asleep without crying at all.

But since I've gone back to school, my time with him has been reduced dramatically. I'm away from him for 12 hours on Tuesday and another 12 hours on Thursday. I drop him off at Grandma Daycare asleep and practically pick him up asleep. On Mondays and Wednesdays he goes to his other Grandma's house so I can study. He stays there from about 11am to 5 pm.

I feel like I miss out on a lot lately (even though I have him for three days straight). As a result, I''ve developed Guilty Mom Syndrome. I might be spoiling him to compensate for the time I spend away from him but I just can't help it. I used to make him cry himself to sleep. But I can't stand to spend the little time I have with him from Mon.-Thurs. listening to him cry. So I'm back to rocking him to sleep each night.

I also let him take his naps nestled in my arms so I can kiss his head and smell his baby hair. When he wants to be held all day, I'm more than happy to oblige (unless I have to make dinner, then I join in on his fussy tantrums).

Is Jacob doomed to be one of those kids whose working parents shower him with toys of all kinds to try and ease their guilt? What do you other parents have to say about Mommy Guilt And The Spoiled Child?

Sunday, January 18, 2009

We All Have Our Time To Shine

Last UCC class, my professor hinted that we would discuss the Economic Loss Doctrine in class on Tuesday.


The Economic Loss Doctrine is my VERY favorite doctrine in the world of law. I would say that it is the only legal doctrine that I could have an intelligent discussion on. I don't know why, but for some reason, this doctrine gets me all hot and bothered. Maybe it's because a hot professor taught it to me?

I am typically the student who didn't finish the reading and has no clue what is going on in class. I am usually praying for an invisibility cloak when the Professor looks around the room for people to pick on. This is probably the only time in the history of my law school career that I 1) know the answer, 2) care about the answer and 3) want to be called on!

I've noticed a trend in my classes this semester. Professors are more and more open to giving students the opportunity to teach and to showcase their particular knowledge when it is applicable to what we are studying. And the great thing about law school is that people are nerds. They have all this specific knowledge that they can just word-vomit on command. Me, personally, aside from Economic Loss Doctrine, I am extremely well versed in the script from the movie Gladiator- at one point in my life, I could recite all the lines from the movie word for word.

The other day, my Financial Institutions Professor asked a very specific question about US history and Shay's Rebellion. A student raised his hand and answered perfectly. He continued to answer in detail well beyond what was asked. My jaw might have dropped because I thought all that knowledge was supposed to evaporate from your brain once you graduated from higschool. I didn't even remember what Shay's Rebellion was.

So Tuesday might be MY day. My only opportunity ever to display my knowledge of something before my peers (I WISH my school had a Gladiator re-enactment contest). I plan on volunteering to explain the doctrine to the class. I just hope no one else tries to steal my thunder. I am so giddy with nerdiness I can't even stand it.

Note: this is very different from the actions of That Girl/Guy who has an answer to everything and will go to great lengths to try to impress the prof with unrelated knowledge. Wait. Maybe it isn't. Maybe I'm just trying to justify being That Girl. Oh shit.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

A Life Threatening Trip To Lowe's

Today the god of child rearing tested us...and we failed!

We headed to Lowe's, the hardware store, to pick up some stuff for our house. As we walked out of the store, we realized we might have gotten carried away. How were we going to fit the lumber in our Subaru Legacy?

We were SO pre-occupied with this dilemma that, for a brief minute, we lost track of our surroundings. As I guided the front end of the lumber into the passenger's seat, I remembered hearing a shopping cart go by. Then I heard my husband yell "Oh shit!"

I turned around just in time to see our shopping cart start rolling down the inclined parking lot straight for a busy street. With Jacob inside it! While my husband sped to catch the cart, a good samaritan intercepted it and rolled it back towards us. We took our cart back and profusely thanked the stranger, who had an infant in his car. As he walked away, I could have sworn I heard him mutter under his breath: "amatuers..."

After that experience, we felt more than a little embarassed and had a hard time looking our oblivious, smiling son in the face. I think we learned a lesson here...

Friday, January 16, 2009

More Overheard In Law School

Male Professor: "I like to pace. It's how I get my mid-day exercise. So don't be nervous if I get too close."
Male student in front row: "Ok. Just don't kiss me."
Professor: "Well I can't guarantee anything!"


Questions my UCC Professor asked the class yesterday:

"Anybody ever pick muchrooms..."
"Anybody ever watch trucker shows on the discovery channel..."
"Anybody ever been to a sheriff’s sale? What? None of you?"

He seemed to know an awful lot about these activities. I'm assuming he's done them all.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Professor Etiquette

We are all familiar with a professor's role in the classroom. Some Professors incite feelings of respect, enthusiasm, and fear, and some all three at the same time. Personally, it is rare for me to meet a Professor that I do not respect. (Ok, really, that respect might just be an insecure and deep fear for all types of authority- I wonder if that says something about my childhood?). But this doesn't mean I want to be friends with them.

So what do you do when you meet a professor outside of the classroom. Or outside of the lawschool even? Not all law professors are the type that make you want to run up and exclaim an enthusiastic "hi" to them when you see them in their street clothes. Those of us who have undergone massive amounts of traumatic socratic method can attest to that.

I had this one law professor who dressed really crazy. I mean he wore suits that were one to two sizes too big for him and he frequently paired plaids with stripes. The rumor about him was that he was gay- but we wondered how this could be when he lacked the necessary fashion sense. this professor seemed nice enough but he gave a brutal final exam and tortured us endlessly with the socratic method. Well, one day when I was walking around downtown Seattle on my lunch break, I spotted him across the street. He was wearing jeans and a wife beater. It was not attractive. It didn't even seem like a SEMI DECENT outfit for a distinguished and intelligent professor of the law.

The second I recognized him, I did an immediate 180 degree spin and marched as fast as I could in the opposite direction. I wanted to avoid him as much as I wanted to avoid gangrenous boils across my face.

Last semester, I had an amazing professor for my construction law class. Have you ever used ""? Well this professor wasn't just smart and nice and funny. He was hot! I'm talking a major multiple chili-pepper rating. I was in mad and deep love with this professor. But then my class ended and I forgot all about him. UNTIL I caught my bus home from the ferry and saw him sitting in the back. My heart overflowed with intense feelings of a familiar lust and, without thinking, I shouted from across a busy bus, "Hi Professor Smith! I was in your Construction Law class last semester. That was a great class! I want to have your babies!" Ok so maybe that last sentence was not expressed verbally but you get the point. I made a complete fool out of myself. And now I have to face him twice a week on that very same bus route.

So what is the APPROPRIATE response when you run into a professor outside of school?

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Itinerary For An Ulcer

Guess what? I survived!!! I survived my first day back at school. And I only got teary eyed twice about leaving Jacob.

Phew. Jacob woke up to eat at 4:30 am (it seems more daunting when I add the "am" part) and after I fed him I couldn't fall asleep. So I watched the numbers change on my clock until 5:55. Then I dragged myself out of bed, packed my bags, packed Jacob up and left the house.

We left at 6:30, drove to my parent's house where I dropped Jacob off, and then I hitched a ride downtown. I caught the 7:55 ferry to Seattle and FINALLY hopped on a bus to school. I arrived five minutes after my 9:00 class had started. I did the same thing for my reverse commute home. That's a 2.5 hour commute ONE WAY. I spent exaclty the same amount of time commuting today as I did sleeping- this is very disturbing.

The good news is: I was WAY too busy to be tired. Five back to back classes for the most part with barely enough time to pump (in a gross bathroom stall that smelled like POOP) and choke down lunch in between.

Seriously, HOW do you working/student Moms in the legal profession do it???!!! I can't imagine doing this only twice a week. How do you remember to pack a diaper bag, school bag, lunch, breast pump, breast milk AND baby? How do you stay sane? Or is sanity the ultimate sacrifice?

So, not only did I survive, but I actually LEARNED stuff.

I learned that a bank is a creditor. I always imagined a bank as a big storage unit for all my dollar bills. I never actually thought about how the bank takes my money and uses it. So I really just give all my money to a bank for nothing in return…and then they spend it? Oooh, so now I get what this recession is all about.

Secondly, I learned that, yes, people sound just as ridiculous when they use the word "moreover" in oral discussion as they do when they use it in colloquial conversation. Thank you Mr. IQ in the front row. Your present for being so vocally impressive is a million imaginary slaps in the face and one huge exasperated sigh of hatred.

Also, if you take a shower right before bed your hair dries in the shape of a massive bird's nest… Siimilarly, when you sleep on your face, your eyelashes dry in a 90 degree upward angle as if they were reaching for the sky and no matter how many times you lather spit on them, they refuse to be corrected.

Oh and corporate governance makes me want to projectile vomit stomach vile out of my eyeballs.

A professor becomes five times hotter after he casually drops the fact that he has not only met Obama but that he might get to meet him again at the Inaguration.

Finally, is it just me or do all the vain primping socialites in class seems extra annoying after you have had a baby? Why is that? The girl next to me emailed her friend in the middle of class to ask "would you say my hair color is the same as that girl in the second row?" Say What?

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Reflections On My Experience As A Stay At Home Mom

I'm excited to have some law school related blogging fodder this week! But until then, I woud like to quickly reflect on my experience these past four months as a 24-7 stay at home mom.

As much as I like to joke around with people and tell them that I do nothing but eat bon bons and need real adults to talk to, my experience was the opposite. I thought I would get bored at home all day and that I would crave other types of challenges and intellectual stimulation. While there were times that I would have killed for a good friend with a baby to talk to, I had all the challenges and stimulation I needed!

Being a stay at hom mom when there is an infant in the house is dang hard!

1. The only free/me time I get was when he went to sleep at night because he only really took 30 minute naps.

2. It takes twice as long to get anything done! This includes leaving the house, cooking dinner, trying to do laundry and even simply taking a shower. I felt like it took me years to clean my house. I would have to clean things in batches, one day I would vacuum, one day I would tidy up the living room, the next day I would tackle the kitchen. At the end of completing one task I would be exhausted and Jacob would need to eat. The problem with this method is that the entire house is never clean all at the same time and therefore, our 900 square foot house never looked clean at all. Um, how can you fit a baby walker, high chair, activity mat, car seat, jumperoo, baby swing, and baby vibrating chair in that small of a space? Answer: you can't.

3. You cannot even enjoy one meal in peace or in quiet. I remember countless dinners and lunches and breakfasts where I was bouncing Jacob in his chair with my foot or holding him with one hand while trying to cup the binky over his moutth and trying to eat with the other hand.

4. Every three hours I was on call to first feed him, then change his diaper, then try to get him to nap. The rest of the time in between I was trying to get stuff done but if he got cranky or fussy- that time went out the window.

5. The nights. Oh the nights!! I believe I have sustained permanent damage to my back rocking Jacob to sleep the first couple months. The waking up every three hours. Sleeping in a contorted position so that he would not fall off the bed and so I would not wake him up. Going to bed exhausted and waking up feeling the same.

6. While you are going through all this you are also getting used to a brand new post baby body. That in itself is quit a long and trecherous journey. It's so hard not to feel like yourself in your own skin.

7. I loved being at Jacob's side every step of the way these past few months. He became my partner in crime- we both learned together and grew together. I took him everywhere and he became my constant companion. You would not believe how awesome it was to have a face to smile at and a person to talk to anytime of the day. He always had my undivided attention and every returned smile was the ultimate reward. Our bond is incredible. I feel closer to him than to anyone else (aside from my husband- but my bond with Jacob is definately different).

Looking back on it all, I am so glad I decided to stay home last semester. I can see why people chose to be stay at home moms- it may be incredibly difficult but it is so rewarding. I was challenged every day with logistical crises. I survived many baby tantrums and screaming sessions. I learned how to clip a baby's delicate nails, the best way to wash baby clothes. How to distract a crabby baby. How to function everyday off of 4-5 hours of sleep. How to do everything with one hand. I learned so much more about myself as a person and what I am capable of.

And every day I was rewarded with receiving the full trust and love of another human being. I was also rewarded with this:

It's nerve wracking and tiresome to have to constantly worry about another- especially one who is so vulnerable. But I had the most amazing time and was not bored for one second. Now I know Jacob will do just fine with his grandmas but I'm so thankful that I had the opportunity to spend the past four months solely focused on him.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

To Law School From One Able Bodied, Emotional Wreck Of A Person

It feels weird to begin semester preparation this time around. Instead of worrying solely about buying books and ferry passes and getting a head start on my assignments, I'm overly preoccupied with how Jacob will do and whether or not he is prepared for Grandma Daycare. I'm worrying about whether he will be consistent about taking bottles, if we will confuse him by giving him a mix of breastmilk and formula, if he has enough diapers packed, and about how well his gradmas will handle him when it gets to be 5 o'clock fussy time.

But more than that, I'm worried about me. How will I do without him? What will I do if I miss him too much? He will be a full 1.5 to 2 hours away from me while I am at school - that seems way too far. What if I miss his first attempts to crawl? What if I miss his first tooth popping through. How will the dynamic of our relationship change when I'm not with him 24/7.

I wonder how it will be returning to school. Returning to the same faces and people who knew a diferent me, a pre-Jacob me. Last spring semester, I wasn't even showing! The only people who know I had a baby are those that keep up with me through Facebook (sadly, I'm not that close to my law school peers).

In one way becoming a parent has changed me a lot. And in another way, I haven't changed in the slightest. I'm still this goofy, quixotic person who is hungry to learn and seeking out adventures that will one day make great stories. But at the same time, I've been handed a very important role- the care of another (incredibly cute) human being. He is a significant part of who I am and I would rather fail at law school and a legal career than fail him.

I've involuntarily tapped into jet stream of empathy by becoming a Mom. I shrivel up and bawl when fictional children in movies suffer (Slumdog Millionaire was an INCREDIBLE movie but there were times I could barely see the screen through my tears). I'm 100 times more sensitive as a mom and it takes just the smallest thing to trigger a well spring of emotion. I'm just thanking God that I already took Criminal Law- I would be a wreak in that class now.

Yet, while I am an emotional wreck, I otherwise feel way more stable. I feel more experienced and mature. I feel that I have finally been initiated into adulthood. I feel as if I can huddle over a casebook and study the law with more depth (maybe I can't but I FEEL as if I can). I know what it's like to pay a mortgage (kind of- my husband actually does that). I know what it's like to worry about my health care coverage (Jacob was one expensive addition). I know what it is like to put myself last and focus entirely on caring for someone who is more vulnerable than I am w(isn't that the point of laws- to protect the vulnerable- or is it just the liberal in me?).

So next Tuesday I finally get to find out what it means to be a mother in law school. While I will dread the time I have to be away from Jacob, I still say "bring it on!"

Thursday, January 8, 2009

3 More Points For Me

Back to the purpose of this post- three days in a row, I laid Jacob in his crib while he was still awake. And three days in a row he drifted peacefully off to sleep without crying!!! OMG, maybe it's not just a fluke. Maybe the gods of child rearing are throwing me a bone! Nothing is ever easy with Jacob so maybe I'm getting a free pass on this one (knock on wood).

If you would have told me this was possible last month, I would have laughed in disbelief. He would scream for an hour wen I put him down and then I would give up and just rock him to sleep. Even after I rocked him to sleep and then put him in his bed, he would wake up again after 5 minutes and just scream bloody murder because, heaven forbid, he was alone.

Also he is starting to sleep for 6 hours straight. He usually goes to bed at 9pm and wakes up at 3am to eat. After that he's awake every 2-3 hours though.... we will work on that next.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

On Being A Mom

I was realizing something as I was commenting on LL's recent post titled Baby Cravings.

As I was putting words to the screen about why I can't wait to have another baby (and another and another and another) despite all practical reasons why I probably shouldn't, I realized that creating and raising a human will probably be the most rewarding challenge/accomplishment that I ever do. Yes, I plan on having a career, but after having Jacob, the thought of landing even the most prestigious and highly paid legal position out there will ever live up to what I do every day as a mom.

Of course, I cannot prove this for certain unless I ever land that amazing job, but really, I used to feel like the tasks I did everyday were all in preparation for the day my real life would start- aka: the day I became a full time, salaried careerist. But starting the day I met Jacob, it's like my "real life" suddenly jump started. I no longer look at the future as a list of milestones to achieve career wise or a list of "real people" tasks to accomplish (such as purchasing a newer home, acquiring nice paintings for that home, starting a retirement fund etc.).

Rather, I feel like everything else that used to be important to me has all of a sudden become part of the periphery. Jacob and my husband are the center and as long as I get to spend every day for the rest of my life getting to know them better, I will be happy. I would like to put my future JD to good use, considering how much it is costing me and how much I enjoy doing legal work. But if I never do, I think I would be ok with that.

I have always been about conquering challenges, setting and meeting goals, and accomplishing the next thing. I have always been ambitious when it came to my career. I wanted to be someone important and do important things. I had no idea how much being a mom would change all that. On September 2, 2008, I met the world. I saw my greater purpose. I found my greatest joy.

Hopefully by this time next year I will be settling in to take the bar and gearing up to start a new job as a first year associate. I will be excited to tackle new things and eager to work at setting a higher standard within my firm. But nothing will ever bring me as much satisfaction, sense of accomplishment or happiness as just being my children's mom for the rest of my life. In a way it is a little depressing that the most important thing I will do (create a life) is done. That is one reason why I want to look forward to having more children. Of course, I guess I have all that "child raising" left to do as well and I guess it will be just as rewarding to watch Jacob grow up. So them, being a mom is a constant and constantly-rewarding job.

Monday, January 5, 2009

Can I Eatz It?

A picture story starring Jacob Palmer

Hey what's that? Can I eatz it?

Armed with a bib, I can eat anything!

See this thing on my arm? It's not jewelry. I'm saving it for later.

Yum. Donut!

I found a boogie. Can I eat it?

Too late. I already did.

Can I eat this?

Blanky attack!

I eatet it to death!

If I look cute can I eat your camera? How about your arm?

Four Months

Jacob's four month check up went pretty well. He measured 25.5 inches long which is two inches more than his two month check up. He weighed 13 pounds and 14 ounces which is just one pound more than last time (this is odd- I could have sworn he fellt more like 30 lbs!).. And his head is now 44 cm- a 2 cm growth! This breaks down to 70th percentile in height, only 25th percentile in weight and 90th percentile in head size.

The doctor said we need to watch his weight. He may have some fat to pinch on his legs but he used to be in the 75th percentile. She isn't too concerned. We just need to be aware.

Also, Jacob has some bad lookingred spots on his cheeks. The doctor said it was just from drooling like a maniac- eew!

The shots were hard but I just held Jacob a little. He dozed off and he woke up smiley as ever!

Sunday, January 4, 2009

It's Never Easy To Do What's Best

Jacob has his four month check up tomorrow and it will include a couple of shots. I'm so horrified for him. The poor thing has no idea what is to come. He will wake up, coo and goo and spit bubbles at me. Then he will give me some love and cuddles from the bottom of his happy, trusting heart. Then he will look up at me in utter adoration as I feed him.

And he will have NO IDEA that I am setting him up for the slaughter. I will test the strength of his trust by allowing a mean male nurse poke a needle in his vulnerable body. I will stretch the boundaries of his innate love for me as I hold him while the entire thing happens.

I can still vividly recall the awful squished face he made during his last shot as his small writhing body let out a wild scream. Even though I refused to watch the nurse, I knew the exact moment the needle met Jacob's soft baby skin. One minute he was innocently looking up at me and the next he was red, squinting and screaming for his life.

And after all of that. He will cling to me as I pick him up, rub his wet face into my chest, let out his painful cries, and then he will go on loving and trusting me. Even though I scheduled the date for his shot. Even though I cannot take the pain away. Even though I willingly allowed it to happen. It downright sucks being a mom when the things that are for your kid's own good are too painful to watch.

I am not looking forward to tomorrow at all.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Better Late Than Never

Ok so I was going to post this on New Year's Day because it was a picture taken on New Year's Eve, but since I'm quite late on posting this, allow me to say:

"Happy January Fourth from me and my crab!"

I hope this isn't a sign of what is to come in 2009!

Friday, January 2, 2009

Ta-Da, The Nursery!

Seeing how Jacob is four months old and we JUST got his crib together recently, it's time I posted a picture.

We painted the walls a faint blue this summer and bought an IKEA dresser, bookcase and lamp. I found the curtains at Target, bought the nursery bedding at (thanks protoattorney-I believe you suggested that), and found a rocker on craigslist. I found a set of four matching sailboat pictures on ebay and we spray painted cheap frames from Walmart. The only thing fancy is the $300 crib that my in-laws bought us!

We only spent about $300 on everything (not including the crib). I'd say we did a pretty good job for our tiny budget.

A New Year's Eve For New Parents

Usually New Year's Eve belongs to my husband's buddy from highschool and his wife (whom my husband dated his freshman year). My husband has a tight knit group of friends from highschool who get together regularly and it's usually fun to hang out with them. This one buddy always hosts a big New Year's Eve party and ever since I have known my husband, we always go.

Last year, either we became lame or we became party poopers because we looked around the party and saw a bunch of crazy bachelors getting drunk off the kegger, playing video games and passing out. I guess parties in the past had always been this way but last year it just didn't feel right. I had just found out I was pregnant and couldn't drink (I am a happy drunk and dull parties become entertaining after just two glasses of wine- that's all it takes).

So this year we decided we would stay home and invite a couple and another friend to our place. That way I could put Jacob to sleep in his own crib and enjoy myself.

I was a ton of fun and really laid back! My husband and I spent part of the day cooking and cleaning together- we made enchiladas and homemade salsa. We also made some fun fingerfood desserts. When our guests arrives we played "Apples to Apples" - the best game EVER! I got a little tispy, we laughed at the lame Kaptain Kneival stunt on channel 13 (the only channel we get) and the guys lit bottle rockets in the street.

We think we will do this again next year because it was so much fun. Aside from our first New Year's Eve together after we started dating- this was probably the best celebration yet.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

You Don't Know What You Have Until It Is Taken Away

It's been a long time in coming and I realized I should post an update after so many have asked.

My mom is doing wonderful, amazing and terrific! She is even better than her old self. My dad convinced her to voluntarily commit herself to a psych ward after multiple trips to the ER. This was back in mid-November. They let her out after about a week of monitoring during which her behavior went downhill. She was forever confused about what day it was and when she was going home. She had a fit and stood on the community room's coffee table. At her lowest moment, she even asked for a knife to kill herself with.

And then one day, after they changed her medication for the tenth time- it was as if she just snapped out of it. The ridiculously large grin returned to her face. She became excited about life again- even the things that seem dull to others. She held and cooed at her grandson- once again enjoying the fact that she is a grandma.

We are truly thankful that the demon that had been eating away at her is being defeated. After thinking that I had lost her for good, it feels so great to have her back. She gave us all a wake up call- my dad, brothers, sister and me. Losing her for two months has taught us to appreciate all that she brings to our lives and that she is what holds our family together. She is the one who cooks the dinner, keeps the house in some kind of organized fashion, makes lunches for my brother in school, organizes pick ups and drop offs. She is the one you can go to when you are hurting. When you just need to talk. She is our spiritual strength and likely the only one who will truly love us forever, unconditionally.

So now, we don't even mind when she nags us to go to church.