Ok, so I might have mentioned this once or twice, but I don't have much "junk" in my "trunk". As a result, I have junk envy. Since I have pretty muched stopped all forms of exercising that require me to get my junk off the couch (this is hard even with little junk), my pants are not quite fitting so well in the "junk in your trunk" department.
Halfway through the day, after bending down countless times to change diapers, pick up Jacob, and pick his things off the floor, my pants are riding my junk like an amateur cowboy on a bull...just awaiting to be bucked off. Why is it that jeans fit great right when you put them on, but by the end of the day, you might as well be wearing clown pants?
Should I invest in suspenders? Please God, why can't suspenders be in style?
So I clearly have to buy some new jeans. But I HATE buying new jeans for so many reasons. First of all women's sizes do not fit me. I should be happy about the fact that I can practically swim in a women's size 4 but really, it's just so inconvenient. And usually that's the smallest size I can find at the department stores. So I have to sneak into the junior's section...with all the emo/retro highschoolers and their emo/retro clothing. Ew.
Still not much luck. There is an abundance of skinny jeans. Skinny jeans make me look like a flamingo. Not so much for their color but for their silhouette of long, gangly legs. And skinny jeans always bunch up funny below the knees. In my opinion, skinny jeans are just an Ode to Anorexia. Let's take these healthy looking pant legs and STARVE them so they look skeletal- ahh, much better. Our entire culture is on a diet, including our jeans.
I embarassingly lurk among the clothing racks trying to not feel squeamish between a pink and grey striped sweatshirt featuring a skull and crossbones and a shelf with leggings in every color imaginable (help me). There are immensley faded jeans, jeans with rinestones, jeans with rips, bleach white jeans and jeans with huge stiching on the back pockets...none of which seem appropriate to wear to law school among semi-intellectuals.
I have tried going the designer route once. In my experience, Sevens stretch out way too much considering they cost as much as three law books (sad how I measure the cost of items in law books). I love to try on designer jeans, they make my backside look almost comparable to Teri Hatcher's on Desperate Housewives- she has such a great ass!, but the price tag gives me convulsions.
So to all of you who dress with more care than a streetfair monkey, please help! Where do you buy your jeans. I need some that make my lack of junk look awesome and that will not require the use of suspenders halfway through the day. Help, anyone?