Monday, January 19, 2009

Guilty Mom Syndrome

Jacob used to cry himself to sleep. Never too long- perhaps 10-15 minutes. Sometimes I would lay him in his crib and he would fall asleep without crying at all.

But since I've gone back to school, my time with him has been reduced dramatically. I'm away from him for 12 hours on Tuesday and another 12 hours on Thursday. I drop him off at Grandma Daycare asleep and practically pick him up asleep. On Mondays and Wednesdays he goes to his other Grandma's house so I can study. He stays there from about 11am to 5 pm.

I feel like I miss out on a lot lately (even though I have him for three days straight). As a result, I''ve developed Guilty Mom Syndrome. I might be spoiling him to compensate for the time I spend away from him but I just can't help it. I used to make him cry himself to sleep. But I can't stand to spend the little time I have with him from Mon.-Thurs. listening to him cry. So I'm back to rocking him to sleep each night.

I also let him take his naps nestled in my arms so I can kiss his head and smell his baby hair. When he wants to be held all day, I'm more than happy to oblige (unless I have to make dinner, then I join in on his fussy tantrums).

Is Jacob doomed to be one of those kids whose working parents shower him with toys of all kinds to try and ease their guilt? What do you other parents have to say about Mommy Guilt And The Spoiled Child?


LEO said...

This is the best kind of spoiling, because we get to enjoy the cuddliness and they feel secure and loved. I'm sure at some point, the need to get other stuff done will prevail, but until then, why wouldn't you enjoy every second with him that you can?! That's why people have kids, to love them and be loved by them :)

PS How much are the grandmas loving that you are back in school and they get to see him so much?! My mom is in heaven!

Butterflyfish said...

Judgment free zone. Sleep rocking is not the same as toy giving.


night time rituals are notoriously hard to change once established. Just sayin

gudnuff said...

I completely echo Leo's sentiments but Butterflyfish is speaking the truth. Who posted about the niece with the pulling-off-the-arm-hair nightly ritual? I doted too much, because of the mommy guilt and because of MY neediness. I need to hug her and kiss her and enjoy my time with her because we have so little of it. It is what it is. BUT, fastforward seven years, and we are only just now starting to get her to accept the fact that I will not sit in there for half an hour as she tries to fall asleep. My husband does not have this problem. He has never been a softie about bedtime, and when he's the only one home at bedtime, guess what? She goes right to sleep without him staying with her. Or so he says. She sometimes tells me she's sad. There's no winning. It is what it is. Hug that baby, girl! Bottle that baby smell and send me some!!!

Trannyhead said...

Dude - welcome to the mommy guilt club! Grab a drink and pull up a chair ... you'll be here for the REST OF YOUR LIFE!


That being said, my son has had to spend tons of time with his grandma lately because I'm studying for the bar. And it's awful because she adores him, but he doesn't really like her! He HATES it when I leave him down there with her. He clings to my legs in desperation and has to be pulled off by brute force. It sucks ass.

Anyway, my kid has tons of toys AND tons of cuddle time. WTF. They're only babies once.

Anonymous said...

there is not such thing as spoiling a baby under 6 months old. do what you feel.