Thursday, October 15, 2009

Coming Soon To A Neighborhood Near You

I wanted to start by saying something like, "This could only happen in my city." But then I realized that would totally be an underestimation of the craziness and stupidity of mankind. So, I'll just say, "This probably happens more often in your city than you would think..."

I was driving to my mother-in-law's house to pick up my son. It was 5:30 pm, the very peak of rush hour traffic and the busy highway I was driving down had become a sea of idling vehicles waiting their turn to to leave the city limits. Traffic was at a standstill. This particular highway is rather scenic. And it was about to become a little more so. To the left of the highway, a number of humongous navy ships are anchored along the shore. To the right, there is a grassy median and a paved sidewalk. Beyond the sidewalk are private residences with nice green (mostly) lawns.

Approaching an intersection, I noticed a man standing on the sidewalk. From afar I could tell he was watering the lawn in front of him. As I inched closer, I noticed this man had a case of Miller Lite at his feet. Hmm, odd? Then I saw that he was also holding a can of beer in his hand- it was probably opened. Drinking on a public sidewalk is so illegal. Oh well, I've seen crazier things. Wait? If he is watering the lawn where is the hose? I look closer but I don't see a hose anywhere. However, there is clearly a stream of liquid shooting two feet in front of him, landing squarly into the grass.

That's when it all became clear.

This guy is RELIEVING himself on someone's lawn. While drinking a beer. In complete daylight. In the middle of rush hour traffic. And I don't think that's his lawn. Cars started slowing down to gawk at him but he didn't seem to be bothered in the least. He finished his business. Gave his appendage a little shake, picked up his case of beer and continued down the sidewalk.

What's the point of a camera phone if you never remember to use it? DARN!

5 comments:

paragon2pieces said...

definitely happens in my town. in fact, i was recently minding my own business at our big, annual outdoor concert when the guy next to me pulled it out and peed onto the grass right in front of all of us.

Someone Being Me said...

Yep, here in Texas that would not really be considered shocking. Up until a few years ago it was legal for the passengers in cars to have open alcoholic beverages plus we have drive thru beer barns here.

Proto Attorney said...

Oh, so you've met my husband?

FSD said...

How funny!

I just saw your "Family Mug Shot" post....oh my goodness...Jacob is such a big boy now! He's so handsome, and especially so with his little tie! You have a great looking family, Cee.

p.s. Sorry I've been a stranger...I'm having a hard time balancing work, being a wife and mommy, and all of my social sites. There truly aren't enough hours in the day.

J said...

Wow...that is amazing.