Thursday, May 20, 2010

Sidewalk Rage

As part of my commute, I walk almost 4 miles a day. When you walk that much, you want the activity to be as efficient as possible. For me, walking is purposeful. I'm definitely not out to take a leisurely stroll, I am purely trying to get from point A to point B.

Because I commute solely by foot and by boat, I never have to drive. You may think that this is totally awesome. In some ways it is. I never have to deal with stop and go traffic, congestion or, more importantly, horrible drivers. BUT, don't be jealous just yet because I have to deal with something much worse...slow walkers! And I'm talking molasses slow here, people.

Slow walkers are my biggest pet peeve of all time. Ok, I'll admit I am an unusually fast walker. I have long legs and I like to get where I am going as quickly as possible. I think I walk twice as fast as the average person. But this makes the Slow Walker even more annoying for me. I seriously think some people are incapable of walkng and talking on the phone at the same time. Everyday I have to shuffle behind people with phones up to their ears moving at approximately the pace of a cervix during the child-labor process.

And somehow, wherever there is ONE Slow Walker, there are three to five other Slow Walkers walking shoulder to shoulder. Seriously. It's inevitable. It makes passing them completely impossible without playing leap frog- which, as tempting as it may be, is not a very appropriate game to play with adult strangers.

You may not believe this, but walking slow behind a group of unpassable slow people is PHYSICALLY PAINFUL to me. Each time I have to do it, a little piece of my soul dies and I want to throw myself through the nearest window or in front of the nearest moving vehicle (which hopefully isn't a bike cop). Why the hell can't there be a passing lane for walkers?

My other pet peeves are people who talk too loudly or play a musical instrument on the ferry. Shut the hell up. No one wants to hear you! Ooops, I should have warned you all that I'm in a bad mood....

12 comments:

EH said...

I don't have too much problem with slow walkers, but talkers...ugh. I hate that. Street musicians I love, but the ferry would be too much. Nowhere to go.

Were the anonymous question to Corporette earlier this week, about walking? I saw the boots and thought of you. :)

legally certifiable said...

I'm a fast walker, too, and it kills me to be stuck behind dawdlers. I'm the same way in the car--I'm a fast driver and nothing infuriates me more than a passing lane squatter.

When I have somewhere to go, I just want to go--whether on foot or in the car.

Proto Attorney said...

At least with pedestrian traffic jams, if you start screaming obscenities, they'd actually hear you. "Look, a-hole, get the f*** outta my way before I kick you in the face!" is a lot more effective if it's screamed into someone's ear (and their cell phone).

Yeah, I get extreme road rage. I also hate crowds that don't move. And flocks of pigeons. Yeah.

Juliet said...

"Slower than a cervix during child labor"! I freaking love that. Am I allowed to use it in mixed company?

je said...

I am not a fast walker, but I am a walk commuter. I hate slow walkers to NO END. There is an eternal war in my city between drivers, bikers and walkers. Everyone hates each other. The only thing I hate worse than a slow walker is a biker who doesn't stop at stop signs when a pedestrian is waiting to cross.

Shantelle said...

Here in Utah we have a lot of bike/pedestrian paths, especially in areas near mountain trains (like my campus.) The deal here is you never know when a cyclist is going to shove their front wheel up your ass so you better stay to the right so they can pass you. Same goes for runners. So the rule is as they're coming up on you they yell "ON YOUR LEFT!!!" or similar and you know to get out of the way. I learned that by not complying and getting a lecture from a runner. OUCH. In short, I agree with Proto, start yelling!

Shantelle said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Shantelle said...

I just give up on typing.

Anonymous said...

Thought of you
http://gothamist.com/2010/05/20/tourist_sidewalk_line_divides_new_y.php

Downsized Attorney said...

I agree 100%. I think I wrote about this when I first started blogging. Back in big city I used to walk to work and I HATED slow walkers. Whenever there is a gaggle of slow walking people I always had to walk into the street to pass them. I'd always shoot them dirty looks, but most slow walkers are so oblivious they didn't even noice.

Anonymous said...

You should try biking--it will cut the time in half and get rid of the slow walker problem.

Michael said...

walkers and talkers are the absolute worst. It's almost as though they go out of their way to cut you up!!! I often end up buffeting them slightly as I barge past.

And yeah, I'm a kind of take-no-prisoners pedestrian! :D