Sunday, September 13, 2009

Between Worlds

My husband just left for a Seahawks game with a bunch of his friends and I have the whole day to spend with just Jacob. Times like now, when it's me and baby versus the world makes me realize that I don't have a group of friends to just "chill" with. Heck, I don't really even have one. When I get a free day or some down time, I don't have someone to call up and plan a day with. Usually it's just me and the baby.

I'm not a stay a "stay at home" mom and not a full fledged law student. I feel like I fall in the crack between these two worlds when it comes to the social side of things. Because of my family, I don't spend any extra free time at school or at school functions. When I'm not in class, I'm rushing to class or rushing to catch my ferry so I can get home to my husband and baby before they go to sleep. I feel like I've missed out on making lasting, close friendships through lawschool.

At the same time, I'm not a stay at home mom either. I don't have time to do the mommy group things that stay at home moms do. Even if I did have time, all those functions are scheduled during the work day when I'm unavailable. I don't meet other moms at the park or for baby play dates.

Sometimes this makes me so incredible lonely. I mean, I'm not a loner. I KNOW a lot of people. The problem is, aside from my husband, I don't have any close friends. No one I can confide in and share things with. So I wonder- what makes a good friend? Can just about anyone BECOME your best friend if you make the time for them or does it take a special kind of compatability? The best friends I've had in my life just kinda happened naturally.

I feel like I split my time living in two different worlds - the law school/legal profession world and the mommy world - but I never spend enough time in either world to feel like part of them.

The good news? My son is so freaking adorable:


Butterflyfish said...

this says it EXACTLY

Anonymous said...

I think this is common even without the baby! I know it has been my experience, just with graduating law school and switching to work. You no longer see your friends daily so you have to actually WORK to maintain friendships (when all you usually want to do after work is come home and relax). I don't know about you, but there are definitely girls at work I would love to be better friends with, but I don't think I would ever be comfortable "confiding" in a work-friend. Just seems risky and weird.

So you are not alone in your feelings. I have been looking for a church I really like for this exact reason - hoping to meet young women my age. I wish I was in kindergarten and I could just walk up to someone and ask them to be my best friend!

Anonymous said...

I don't have any children but I know somewhat what you mean. I was married in law school so I often studied more at home to be around my husband and spent less time at school. I also moved away to law school with the goal of moving back, so subconsiously I think I didn't bother working on making any friendships because we'd be leaving. My closest friend at law school was a wife of a classmate; the two of them were also moving far away when done. I would say it will change for you when you're a lawyer, because it has for me, but you'll probably still be rushing home to see the kid and husband. There are groups here in Seattle, such as MAMAS for attorney moms - you could at least meet other women in the same boat as you.

Proto Attorney said...

This post definitely hits on what I've been feeling since starting my job: lonely. I'm separated from all my friends back home, from my husband most of the week, and my kid part of the week. Even when I'm home on the weekends, it's tough to plan outings, because people are busy, and during the week, I have no one to lunch with, or have dinner with. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and go make friends, but I don't even know where to start. Ugh.