Monday, July 13, 2009

Hey Legislature? Are You Listening?

I dread talking to one of our clients. He's really weird. He thinks he knows ALL about the law. And he always acts put out by the fact that he HAS to talk to the law firm that is defending him. I mean come on dude, we're saving your butt from having to dish out possibly millions of dollars here. Show a little RESPECT?

Every time I have to talk to him it's always the same thing: "Can I sue my insurance company (technically the one defending him) for wasting my time?"

No.

"Can I cross claim against the Plaintiffs for wasting my time?"

Hellzz. No.

Don't we all wish wasting someone's time was the basis for a lawsuit? Wouldn't that be great? Personally, I would sue the people who invented billing time in six minute increments. Then I would sue that teenager who works at the food mart who won't stop hitting on me. Then I would sue the dumbass who cuts in front of me at the Dairy Queen drive thru and then has to study each item menu before placing an order.

If I was feeling especially litigous, I would sue my bank for making me fill out a stupid withdrawl/deposit slip when I could just wallk right up and tell the teller what I want (and she usually just asks me anyway). Then I would sue Ben & Jerrys for not putting all the cookie dough chunks on TOP of the ice cream, thereby forcing me to dig through the entire carton to find them.

I would sue sunday drivers. I would sue all members of the Jehovah's Witness (Go away already!). I would sue the people who shrink wrap CDs and DVDs because, seriously, why are those things so hard to open?!

Yes, I would have a lot of fun if I could sue people for wasting my time. Hey, while we're at it, we should be able to sue people because they're ugly and hurt our eyes. And we should be able to sue people who have horrible body odor in a public place (public nuisance anyone?). In fact, we should be able to sue people JUST BECAUSE WE'RE TOO AWESOME!

For example:

"COMES NOW Plaintiff CEE, by and through her attorneys of record, ROCKSTAR LAW, and brings her I'm Too Awesome lawsuit against the Defendant Mr. You Can't Have Your Dry Cleaned Garments Without A Receipt and in support thereof, states as follows:

1. On or about the entirety of my existence, I, Cee, am Too Awesome.

WHEREFORE, Plaintiff demands judgment to be entered against Defendant in the amount of one Victorias Secret Biolift Bra, size 34A and five Large bags of Peanut Butter M&Ms.

Respectfully Submitted,

Cee

7 comments:

FSD said...

I think this could be a class action suit: "I would sue the people who shrink wrap CDs and DVDs because, seriously, why are those things so hard to open?!"

You're hilarious, girl!

Proto Attorney said...

I love it! And now I'm suing the Bar Exam for wasting my summer.

CM said...

Mmm, peanut butter M&Ms. Best candy invention since Snickers.

emily1274 said...

I would like to sue the people who have really long drawn out phone answering message menus! What button do I press to talk to a live person? :)

gudnuff said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
gudnuff said...

You are awesome. I would testify on your behalf. You are a large part of what keeps me interested in the blogosphere. When my real life gets busy and my interest in blogs comes into question, and I think, screw it, what's the point, it's just a huge time suck, YOU are one of the first people I turn to for lighting a spark of interest and appreciation again. Thank you for your awesomeness. (I'm still reeling from the loss of you-know-who (rhymes with "few suck"). It's affected me more than I would have thought. Just shocking, you know? I'm saddened.)

**stupid lack of spell check caused me to repost to correct a word**

Butterflyfish said...

Excellent.

Hey, do you have a blog email address? Have a question -- write to me at ilovebutterflyfish@yahoo.com whenever you get the chance.