Friday, July 31, 2009

That's Why I'd Make A Horrible Mercenary

I learned something this past 37 hour work week. And it wasn't necessarily about practicing law.

I spent the past week and a half working on a mediation brief and damages analysis for this one particular case. And I'm looking at another upcoming week of pretty much the same thing. In fact, I think I've spent almost my entire summer moving this case past motions for attorneys fees, discovery requests, status reports for our client, damage assessments and the like. I've read a good amount of the medical records fand independent medical examinations or all five plaintiffs (count that- that's five sets of medical records and IMEs). I've read their deposition testimonies and viewed the recorded version of their actual depositions. I'm starting to feel as if I know these plaintiffs on a very personal level.

In fact, if I saw Ms. Plaintiff No. 1 walking down the street tomorrow, I would have the compulsive urge to strike up a conversation:

"Hello Ms. Plaintiff No. 1, how is that burning shoulder pain doing today?"
"I hope you and your third husband are patching things up. That must be hard on your daughter- the one attending community college."
"Did you really live in Colorado for three years? I've always wanted to go there."
"How's your scrapbooking coming along? And your cat named KeeKee is still doing well?"
"Do you really have a scar on your upper thigh in the shape of a pi symbol or does the picture just make it look that way?"
"You can't be serious when you say that scar is the cause of your sexual intimacy problems, Come on!"

I know WAY too much about these plaintiffs and their significant others. I mean it IS my job to know the full extent of their damages but do I really have to feel like a stalker in doing so?

Working on a handful of big cases this summer has given me some profound insights into my personality traights. It all makes sense now though- it totally explains everything about me. when I first get assigned a case or a project, it's like being handed a massive gift-wrapped box from Santa himself. When it comes to work projects, I eagerly fly straight into them, mouth agape and drooling at the possibilities- oh, the exciting legal doctrines that could come into play! The fresh page of a new word document is just a masterpiece of creative, logical arguments waiting to be created. The case, much like an unopened Christmas present, could hold anything! who knew what could be in store for me.

Then after everything has been unwrapped, removed, assembled and tried out, the excitment and eagerness disappears with the very newness of the thing. After spending a week trudging through legal analysis and research, the case is just an old exasperating gift standing between me and the next (new and more exciting) one.

That's where I'm at now. I just want it all to end. The excitement of this case has been flushed out of me and I drag my feet around the office like I'm stalling for an alien body snatcher to take me away from the dullness of my life.Maybe I'm in the wrong line of work if my interest in projects only lasts one week. It could be worse though, imagine a mercenary getting tired of chasing his target after one week, suddenly blowing off his entire mission... ok, maybe don't imagine that, I'm still stuck on my "mercenary falling in love with a librarian" romance novels.

Work will be ok though. In just one long WEEK I will be sipping margaritas, wearing a skimpy bikini on the beaches of Waikiki. (For clarification, I will be wearing the bikini, not my margaritas- although I wouldn't object if the glass decided to dress appropriately).


gudnuff said...

Ha, that's funny. I never thought of a mercenary as having to work at staying interested. Hmmmm.

But dealing with drudgery will make you appreciate your time on the beach all that much more, I bet.

CM said...

Waikiki! I'm jealous! (Also impressed that you can wear a bikini post-kid.)