Ever since I received my job offer from my law firm I have felt different. On the outside, I'm mostly the same. It's an internal change. But it's also an internal change that has left some slight imprints on me externally as well- does this make any sense?
I feel like my entire educational journey has led me to this point. Every test I've taken, every pen I've purchased, every extra-curricular activity, every single time I've laced up my running shoes for a race. I feel on top of the world. I feel I have meaning and purpose and a place in this commercialized grown up world. Officialy, I am a Grown up! Without ever knowing it previously, my 18 years of education have brought me to this point and I can finally reap the benefits of all the toiling, trouble and pain of my adolescense and early adulthood. This is who I am and this is who I am supposed to be.
I think the biggest change is how pleased I am with the person I turned out to be. Like many growing children, I spent a lot of time imagining who I would grow up to be. I never wanted to be a lawyer but I always pictured myself as a smart, independent and confident adult. Coming from a "creative" but socially insecure child, this dream always seemed too distant from the reality I lived in.
But in some crazy unpredictable way, law school and my experiences in the legal profession have given me things I only used to dream about. In all aspects, I am independent, confident and I feel smart. Having the opportunity to work in a man's world in a predominantly male firm where work is hard and challenging and big corporate insurance companies are all depending on me, has finally shown me what has always been there-- I can do anything I set my mind to. It may seem lame and even insecure that it took a job offer to make me realize this -- in some way it seems like I'm measuring my self worth on the value society puts on my word-- but I finally feel like I am in a place where what I say and what I do is important and matters. I feel like I am an equal to all those fancy men in business suits with corner offices. I feel important. I feel glamorous. I feel like I'm in the big-leagues.
When I was young I wanted to be an astronaut. I will never forget the day my grandpa told me, "Girls aren't astronauts, you should just MARRY an astronaut." I was so angry and right there I made a silent vow to prove him wrong and show him I could do anything I wanted to do.
GUESS WHAT GRAMPS. I DID IT. YOU CAN JUST EAT THIS OFFER LETTER!