Coffee Please, With Room For Sass

My plan to block my cats' access to the toilet backfired on me this morning. First of all, I don't know why they insist on drinking out of the toilet-- are they protesting the tupperware I use for their water dish that currently contains five day old water and bloated sunken cat food?

So I made a specific attemp to close the bathroom door behind me. Too bad I forgot to unlock it first. I rummaged through all the drawers in the kitchen but I couldn't find anything the right size to unlock the door! At first it wasn't a big deal. I mean how badly did I really need that shower? There are worse things than three day old hair. For example: smelling like Old Spice all day long because my own deoderant was temporarily unaccessible. I sat back down and resumed studying for finals (stalking people on facebook).

Two hours and three cans of Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper later....I needed to do something about that door, and QUICK! I packed my bags and drove ten minutes to the nearest Starbucks.

Me: "can I get the key to your restroom?"
Barrista: "sorry, for customers only"

WHAT?! I wanted to threaten to pee all over the floor but I just couldn't do it. So with my legs violently crossed I ordered a cookie (I couldn't order a liquid and watch them pour it into a cup).

It's really hard to count change when you are bouncing up and down.

Long story short, I got my cookie and I was granted access to the restroom. After squeezing into the only available table which was behind a group of loud soccer moms wearing leggings and oversized sweatshirts, I got cracking on my books. My reading was only interrupted one last time by a barrista desperate screams to her co-workers, "We're out of coffee jerkoffs! Go back and get some or I'll have your asses fired! JERK. OFFS!"