Fussy

Jacob has been fussy all day. This is really the first time he has been fussy since we brought him home. He's usually so content and happy. When he's awake he'll happily take in his surroundings. While it can take a while to get him to fall asleep- he rarely cries. While I rock him, he stares at me with his big grey/blue eyes until they slowly droop into peaceful slumber.

But yesterday he was circumsized and he hasn't been his normal peaceful self since. I'm not 100% sure why we decided to have him circumsized. It's just something both of our families do. It's in the Bible and while I know it might be silly to base medical procedures on old traditions, there is something comforting about that. My husband (who had to go through it all when he was a baby) jokes that he doesn't want his son to have bigger "boy parts" than him. Anyway, there was never really a question whether or not we would do it- it was just something we both assumed.

At the doctor's office, I think I cried as much as he did. I was so scared all day about the procedure. At home I held him and got him dressed and felt so bad knowing that he had to go through it all. I almost called the office and cancelled the procedure. I just couldn't handle putting him through it.

When we got to the doctor's office, they took his stats. He is now 9lbs 4oz and 21 inches long! He gained 11 oz in one week! He still has incredibly long thin legs and arms but his tummy is getting a little bulginess- it's so adorable to see his little milk gut. Then the doctor started explaining to me about the procedure. Right when she got to the part about havivng to strap down his arms and legs, I started tearing up. I tried to be brave, but the tears rolled uncontrollably down my face. I was ok again, until they took his naked little body out of my arms and walked out the door. I felt so helpless. All I wanted to do was wrap him in warm clothes and protect him. It was gut-wrenching.

It turned out alright but his little boy parts are swollen and are giving him some grief today. So during all his awake time today, he has been completely fussy. His face scrunches up and he starts to wail for no apparent reason (other than the fact that his wee wee got the chop chop and is now red and swollen). It's been difficult to get him to take any naps. He won't just sit in his chair and watch me do chores/make dinner like he usually does. He wants to be held all the time.

I've had my fair share of experience with fussy babies during my babysitting years...but what I learned today is that it's totally different hearing your own baby's piercing wails. It's simply heart breaking. All I can do is rock him and wait it out until he heals.