Night Sweats

Woah. Woah. Woah.

No one ever told me I'd sweat like an Eskimo in Death Valley after my baby was born. I vaguely remember reading online that women lose water weight by sweating post partum. But I do not recall any book/website/unsolicited advisor telling me that I would sweat buckets while I slept at night.

I feel so gross! I'm fine during the day- even walking around outside in hot weather. But each time I wake up at night to feed Jacob, I find myself covered in a thick sticky layer of blubbery water weight sweat. My hair will be drenched. A pool of sweat would have collected between my massive Astroboobs- is that a flea doing the backstroke in my boob pool? When I sleep on my side the layers of clothing between my legs are sopping wet. In desperation, I used the edge of my bedsheet to try to wipe the warm, smelly sweat drops off my forehead. Hours later, that part of my sheet is still pretty damp.

This is seriously insane. It's HAS to be wrong for a human to sweat this much. This isn't a mild symptom to be casually included among a list of post partum discomforts...this is the kind of thing that deserves a whole page-worth of mentioning in a baby book.

I've been trying to beat the night sweats by sleeping in as little clothing as possible. The only outcome is that the sweat that would have drenched my clothing just pools all over my skin. Good thing Jacob doesn't care what his mommy smells like at 3:00am in the morning. I sure wouldn't want to suckle off a hot sweaty boob for my breakfast.