Sunday, February 8, 2009

Prayers, Hopes And Fears

Today I came across The Macs' blog. I read how this couple had just lost their baby girl to cancer. They didn't even know she had cancer until two weeks ago and despite many surgeries and procedures, their baby passed away today.

I don't even know baby Cora but my heart just aches for her parents. I cannot imagine watching your baby suffer like that and not even be able to hold her. I can't imagine facing the pain of loss especially over such a new life.

I was going to write about something else today but I just can't. All I can think about is this heartbroken family. All I can think about is how this baby has been taken away. Throughout their recent journey, the couple never once lost their faith or blamed God. I wish I had that kind of unshakeable faith. they are truly amazing people and I wish them strength and healing.

My biggest fear in the entire world is that I will lose Jacob. That he won't have the opportunity to experience a full life or that he will hurt and I will be helpless to take it away. Someone I once knew told me being a parent was selfish and that people only have kids for selfish reasons. But being a mom is the most selfless thing you could do. I would die a hundred times so that Jacob could live one long life.

Being a mom is hard- pregnancy, labor, feeding, caring, sleepless nights. But I think the hardest part of being a mom is the ultimate emotional attachment you can experience for another person. That emotional bond is inevitable. It's the source of the greatest joy you will ever know, but it also has the potential to sting you more than anything else ever could. You feel their every hurt and bump and it causes you to worry endlessly about their wellbeing.

It makes me feel so vulnerable and helpless. It kills me that anything could hurt Jacob. I cannot imagine having to experience what The Macs have. Their story has taught me to love every minute I have with Jacob, to hug him tighter and appreciate that he is in my life. I felt physical pain in my chest reading their story. I want to say something comforting but am at a loss for words. What could comfort after that? I'm glad they have their faith to rely on and I hope it continues to bring them strength and comfort.

4 comments:

teasinglydiverse said...

I was passed their blog link a few weeks ago via one of my Twitter "friends" and I am so heartbroken for them. I don't know them but it didn't matter. Then tonight I found out that one of the girls I went to college with is related to them and flying home for the funeral and...it's just so sad...there aren't really words.

LEO said...

It really is heartbreaking ... doesn't matter if you don't know them, that situation is something anyone can empathize with.

Portia said...

I had to actively keep myself choking back tears (at work...) yesterday as I read their story. All night it haunted me. Isn't it crazy how fragile everything seems when you have something so precious, so adored, and so full of hope and promise in your life?

Proto Attorney said...

I actually can't read any of that, it makes me rather sick to my stomach. Particularly since our babies have the same name. It's definitely a reminder of how lucky I am.