Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Who Owns These Boobs Anyway?

After two weeks of pumping in a stinky bathroon stall, I finally realized that there was a lactation room tucked way in the back of our law library. That's kind of an odd place for it.

It's tucked away in a back corner and you need a key to open the door. Whenever I make my way back there and type in the code, I feel like I'm breaking into a bank vault or something. Or that I am Harry Potter travelling to a distant, mysterious land amidst crowds at a London train station.

Anyway...(geeky silence)...

I am so done with pumping. I HATE it. I hate it more than I hate eating burned toast, being called on in class when I'm unprepared, or scooping up cat poo that has mysteriously missed the litter box. I would rather clean the black grout that lives between my bathroom tiles. I can't even pinpoint what I hate about it so much, I just simply hate it in it's entirety.

The lactation room is tiny with no windows. And there are random pictures of people's babies taped all over one wall. Wow, I hate to say it but, law students at my school have spawned some really ugly babies. I am tempted to put Jacob's photo on the wall but I don't want other parents to be put off by his cuteness (i.e. I keep forgetting to bring tape).

Jacob can't stomache normal formula so we've put him on soy formula. That has been working really well so far. I hope to slowly start getting him on formula exclusively but I hate giving up the convenience of nursing. In the middle of the night when he cries, I put him in bed with me and feed him while I sleep. Nursing at night has been a life saver! I hate to give that up.

But I want my body back. The lending of my boobs for feeding purposes is a lease terminable at will. And my will is strong.

Thus begins my socio-biological experiment: what is stronger- the need for sleep or the urge to have your body to yourself again? Only time will tell...


LEO said...

I totally feel your pain. I don't have to pump too often right now, so I don't mind it... and I actually kind of like nursing. But I am so ready to have my normal boobs back. AND my normal diet, since it seems that cutting out dairy and citrus has helped Timmy, it looks like I will be stuck with Soy for a while. Ugh. We are going to try formula for the first time this week...I might be asking you for advice!
Will you be starting Jacob on solids at 6 months? How much formula does he get now?

gudnuff said...

Good luck with this whole process. Sounds like a lot to juggle. I bet it's awesome to snuggle and nurse...and especially drift back to sleep without getting up again. Good times.

Trannyhead said...

Just think - I've been nursing for 18 whole months! Though I fully admit, 90% of the reason I'm still doing it is sheer laziness on my part. It's so much easier. And hello - it's like pressing snooze on the baby. He just goes right back to sleep.

Though, of course, with the bar exam comes the end of nursing and my rack will be mine once again. Which has its benefits, too.

PS - I pumped in the parking garage.

legally certifiable said...

I distinctly remember this feeling after I had my twins. I really, really hated pumping and I was so desperate to have my body back after a long, difficult pregnancy and three months of not really successful breatfeeding. I felt terribly guilty when I finally gave it up, but it was really the best thing for all of us. When mama's happy, baby's happy--no matter what she is eating.

Good luck getting your boobs back!

PT-LawMom said...

This is why I gave up sooner than I had planned after going back to work. That and the fact that my stupid boobs are deformed. I have a glandular issue and could never produce more than 2oz/boob/session so it was such a lot of work for so little. I think we lasted four months (supplementing with formula) and then went to just night nursing. Considering the fact that I went back to work when he was five weeks old, that's saying a lot. Still. I remember those pumping days. UGH! Hope it gets better for you.

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