Monday, April 20, 2009

Being Kicked. Then Kicking Myself

So, I'm absolutely terrified about my four credit UCC Sales class. I think our final is going to be comparable to a mini apocalypse, confined to the four corners of our designated classroom, of course, but not lacking in fiery meteors and acid death rain falling from the sky.

I think in the end, I will see the wrinkly face of my wisened professor, eyes maniacally twinkling as he suffocates me with his evil stare. Then I will lose all hope, scribble "You have won" on my bluebook and fade away into a painful darkness.

Remember how hard 1L Contracts was (even though it was my favorite 1L class)? Well my UCC Sales class is ten times worse. This class includes your typical contract enemies such as battle of the forms, contract formation, consideration and remedies. And on top of that this class also includes: risk of loss, documents of title, shipping v. destination contracts, bills of lading, express/implied warranties, disclaimer of warranties, AND limitation of damages. Oh wait, how did I forget secured transactions, priority of interest, secured leases, and priority of interests in bankruptcy. Seriously. HELL.

Reality hit me today when I realized that my final is in two weeks!!! So, sadly, I dropped Jacob off with my mom and headed to the park to study. This was my first mistake. I was sitting there on a picnic table trying to study while every mom and her child in a 30 mile radius played near me. I started to feel jealous, first of all, because all these moms were enjoying the day with their babies- chasing them aroung the grass and pushing them in the swings. It made me really want to be with my own baby. Then I started to feel guilty. Jacob has never been in a baby swing. Jacob has never felt the grass. When was the last time I took Jacob on an adventure?

Tonight is even harder. My mom is watching Jacob overnight while I whine about how much I miss him work on my outline. I've been away from him overnight before, but just not while I was at home. From my spot on the couch, his motionless toys, the unworn pjs that I set out for him to wear tonight, and the quiet throughout the house is tormenting me. I keep walking by his pictures on the walls and the fridge.

Days like today I wonder if I am making a mistake. Will I look back ten years from now and realized that I missed out on so much of his baby-hood? Will I regret going to school while Jacob is an infant. Will I kick myself from being away from him so much? Probably. But I think I would also regret putting law school off for a couple years (or indefinately). I feel like I really just can't win.


Anonymous said...

note to self: avoid UCC Sales...

I think Civ Pro is the class that will send copious amounts of acid death rain my way this finals season. Somehow finals just came out of nowhere. Eeesh.

Good luck on your exams!

LEO said...

I totally know what you mean about sitting in the park. Today I was at the public library in the outdoor atrium and a few moms walked by with their babies. I couldn't help but look up and stare at them and wish I was there just playing with Timmy.

And you shouldn't feel guilty...time with his grandparents is good for Jacob too! I'm sure you'll be taking him on adventures and playing with him as soon as you can!

gudnuff said...

I meant to comment on this when you first posted it. Oh, the guilt! Oh, the questioning, the doubt, the what-will-I-regret-the-most dilemma. And the low-level yet constant stress of ceaselessly debating this in your heart and your mind.