Adventures In Client Communications

I called up a client today to get him to answer some interrogatories. This guy had one of those names where you think- "really? Someone gave you that name at birth?" His name was so punk rockish (let's pretend its Danger) that I hope to god he willingly chose it.

Me: "Do you have any other information about this incident aside from what's in the police report?"

Danger: "Hey, will they actually win this case? It's so bogus. They're like the people who sue movie theaters because the theater is too dark and when they came back into daylight they claim they got an eyeball sprain from being exposed to brightness."

Me: "I'm not really qualified to discuss the merits of the case."

Danger: "It's like someone who wants to sue his doctor because he gets a hangnail and the doctor didn't tell him how to properly clip his nails. Or like suing McDonald's for hot coffee.

Me: "Do you know if there were any other eyewitnesses or other people present at the time of the incident?"

Danger: "Dude (love when people call their lawyers 'dude'). I wasn't even involved. I didn't even know about the accident until a year later. Can we just put down "George Bush?" That would be hilarious. The judge would get a kick out of it. People take these thing too seriously anyway."

Me: "These things as in -- 'lawsuits for wrongful death'?"

Danger: "Oh I know! If you go to trial you should call me as an expert witness. It would be awesome. I'll show up in an orange afro and a clown suit."

Me: "Hopefully we'll settle before that is necessary... So, are you aware of any illness or medical condition that might have impaired the co-defendant's ability to operate a vehicle?"

Danger: "How about douche-baggery? He's a real douche-bag. That's a medical condition isn't it? By the way, if you ever talk to him tell him he owes me money."

Me: "I'll just put down that you are not aware of any illnesses."

Danger: "Hey, my insurance company is paying for all of this right? Can I sue my insurance company for wasting my time and making me answer these questions?"

Me: "Let me get this straight. You wan to sue your insurance company for carrying out their contractual obligations by defending you in this lawsuit?"

Most people want to sue their insurer for bad faith failures to defend or deny coverage. This guy wants to sue his insurance company for DEFENDING HIM IN A LAWSUIT. HUH?!