Thursday, June 11, 2009

Things That Make Me Think Naughty Thoughts

1. Bow ties. No explanation needed.

2. Spoons. Do you know how provocative it is to watch someone eating with a spoon or when you eat with a spoon yourself? I always feel self conscious when other people are watching me. I feel taboo and risque. Maybe next time I should wink at the person sitting next to me while I place a heaping spoonful of yogurt daintily between my slightly parted lips.

3. Wearing a skirt. Whenever I wear a skirt or a dress, I feel five exactly degrees sexier. I could elaborate, but I feel only inappropriate things would come out.

4. John Legend. I love his music but the lyrics are very suggestive if not flat out sexual. I don't know from experience but I am thinking his music might be good make out music. I just might experiment this weekend...with my husband of course, duh!

5. Ford Aerostar Vans. I used to be a proud owner. When my husband and I were dating and living at home with our respective parents, the van became the focus of our special "encounters." Now when I see one, I remember the desperate, heavy yearning of our young love.

6. Anyone with the last name Wiener. What an unfortunate name. Really? You don't want to change your last name? I am so immature that I have to supress a giggle each time I hear it.

7. Rain. I love rain (good thing I live in Seattle). I love running in it. I love how getting drenched in a downpour makes me feel excitedly careless and impulsively adventurous. When I am indoors during a rain storm, I am prone to gazing out the window, my head full of day dreams. Nothing is sexier than being spontaneously drenched. Nothing is sexier than being stuck daydreaming indoors while the heavens crash down around you.

8. Aftershave. There are some smells that I will never forget. Every guy I dated had his signature product smell. Sometimes I wear my husband's deodorant and I love it because then I smell him all day long. I usually can't wait to get home and cuddle.

9. Legalese. Every once in a while I come across a legal word that sounds like it could be dirty.

"Baby, come on over and indemnify me!"
"After work we engaged in a little one on one subrogation."
"Tonight you better fulfil your fudiciary dooooties."
"I just want to codicil all night long."

And words to say in bed: "a fortiori" "punishee"- sounds like "punish me"


Butterflyfish said...


suzy said...

I feel the same way about Caravans...made me realize that it was a very good thing that my parents got me a minivan instead of a 'cool' car...

And running in the rain is absolutely the best. A rainy day will make me go out for a run that I'd normally skip, it just feels so good!

gudnuff said...

I just returned from a convention/conference and had the same reaction every time I heard the word "caucus".

Trannyhead said...

Man - I usually love my man's aftershave. Alas, while pregnant, it now smells like bug spray and is not only UNhawt, but nauseating.

newduck said...

There's a lawyer in my jurisdiction with the last name of "Dick." It embarrasses the hell out of me to address letters to her. "Dear Attorney Dick..."