From The Desk Of Me: JD/Mom To Be

8:25: Get off the ferry boat. Try to manuver around the old, young, slothlike, and the humongous that walk super slow and take up the entire sidewalk. Then procede to walk up the monster hills of Seattle, wheezing and huffing in high heels (yes, high heels during pregnancy allows me some delusions that I am still attractive and not completely turning into the large Safeway deli lady with a mustach so long she should be forced to wear a mustach hair net).

8:40: Walk by five consecutive Starbucks and try to talk myself out of splurging on a Tall Skinny Vanilla Latte five times. So much willpower!

8:45: Walk past the firm's receptionist and hear her tell me that soon I will be needing a wheel chair. Great. Thanks. You look good too.

8:45: Sit in my office and check my personal email. Then check my work email. Then finally get to work having nothing left to enable my inner procrastinator.

9:15: First trip to the restroom. Walk past receptionist with my head still held high.

9:45: First snack- apples and water.

10:30: Second trip to the restroom. Try to coordinate this trip with a trip to the kitchen to refill my water bottle. Hope that receptionist is away from her desk for a minute (I know she counts how often I pee).

10:45: Second snack- heart healthy Kashi-version of cheerios, eaten plain like a five year old.

11:30: I eat my lunch while I work on an assignment. Somehow, breadcrumbs manage to slide down the crevice between my boobs. They eventually get stuck on top of my baby bump and make me itch for the rest of the day. I have to go to the bathroom again but try to hold it for when I go on my lunch break outing.

12:15: I can't hold it anymore. I run out the door and dart into the bathroom. The receptionist gives me a humorous look as I walk back in.

1:00: Go for a walk around Seattle. Get hit on by bums. Try to avoid the annoying street solicitors who work for political activist groups. If I fail to avoid them I have to explain that I can't save the cleft palate children of the world today because I'm only on my lunch break and I'd rather use that time by buying consumer goods that I do not need. Pee BEFORE heading back to my desk.

1:45: Snack #3- a banana and Diet Dr. Pepper (I pretend I'm drinking a beer and it tastes just a little bit more heavenly). Then it's the time of day where I magically begin to feel nauseous- it's like clockwork everyday.

2:30: Another bathroom break. I wonder how it is that a person can poop three consecutive times in one day.

3:30: Final bathroom break. My head is pretty much hung in full-out "shame" position as I walk by the receptionist AGAIN. Note to self to drink less water or get a key to the back entrance. I think about all the time I waste with my potty breaks.

4:40: Spend the rest of the day trying to figure out how to bill my time. This is such a dreaded part of a lawyer's daily activities and it's such a freaking pain in the neck. I need a billing category just for entering my billing.

4:59: I'm out the door, walking down the intense Seattle hills toward the ferry. With the size of my belly, I should consider rolling rather than walking. It sure would be faster.