Saturday, July 19, 2008

Ms. McBitchy

I'm usually a carefree, go with the flow, nothing can get to me, kind of person. Except when I'm 34 + weeks pregnant. Then I'm Ms. McBitchy and you better keep clear. Actually, I think I do a good job of keeping my bitchiness to myself and putting on a pleasant smile for the rest of the world. But if you get close enough, you can hear the string of profanities being uttered under my breath and behind my smile.

Latelty, I just feel a lot of anger and bitchiness towards strangers. I find myself always mad at someone.

First, I have less and less tolerance for all the people who drive as if they got their license at Wal*Mart. I probably swear 4 times/minute as people fail to come to complete stops, cut me off, or park in the middle of the road to let out passengers. Or sometimes I swear and glare at cars just because they exist or I don't like their color or because they have bumperstickers that say "Hippie Chicks Rule."

When the ferry docks in Seattle and we disembark, my rage skyrockets as the people in front of me jaunt along slowly. I HATE slow walkers. The funny thing is: I am now one of those people (due to the baby bulge), but they still piss me off. The slow people ALWAYS have to walk side by side so that you can't get past them without shoving an elbow in their gut/face. Don't put that past me either

I also hate people who talk really loud. Seriously, there is no need to share your conversation with the rest of the planet. I don't give a shit about how your computer broke, how you plan your lunch breaks, or why you need a new sweater. Instead, why don't you explain why your mom never taught you how to use inside voices, why you're hair always looks greasy, and why you're dressed like a secretary from the eighties.

I hate people staring at my belly. It's getting really old. But I discovered that if I stare/glare right back at them, they become embarassed and look the other way. I feel like such a bitch, but I'm starting to hate all this attention. I hate feeling like I'm a freak attraction for others. I'm also getting tired of the bums on the street yelling things to me as I walk by, such as "It's a girl!" Back off butthead. It's a boy, you stupid bum.

It's amazing how simple, harmless phrases can bring out the monster in me:

"when are you due?" (I should post my due date on my forehead)
"you look great" (I LOOK LIKE I HAVE MY GRANDPA'S BEERGUT TIMES THREE)
"do ___ as much as you can before the baby comes" (I've heard them all, you can mind your own business now)
"I bet you're getting excited" (yeah, get this F***ing baby out of me!)
"you're going to miss being pregnant" (wtf- no I won't. Who thinks that way?!)
"have another/more. you're eating for two!" (my stomach is so squished I can barely eat anything)
"You're just glowing" (Actually, I'm just sweating)

Yup, pregnancy brings out the best.

3 comments:

Googie Baba said...

"You are going to miss being pregnant" - HA HA HA
No. I love being a mom, hated pregnancy.

Anonymous said...

you should feel totally free to be as bitchy as you want, imo :)

this reminds me of how it is when you get married - the "aren't you excited!?" and "are you ready?!?" from every stranger who finds out was just unbearable.

i can't imagine how much worse being pregnant is since STRANGERS can tell just by looking at you!

postscript said...

I think that anything visible and different that happens to you can produce the same sort of reaction. A friend of mine broke her ankle once and got really cranky because she had to explain over and over and over again what had happened.

Be as annoying as you want :] You deserve it.