Bi-Polar Holiday

I spent Thanksgiving feeling a mix between thankful and disappointed.

Lately, I've been spending a lot of time realizing how lucky I am. I have a little family that brings me so much happiness and love. While we certainly do not have much money right now, we have enough to pay the mortgage on a nice and (mostly) warm home. We have enough to eat well, to pay our bills and buy the things need. Lately, I have been carrying around this gut sickness over how materialistic I can be and how much we live in a country of consumers. I keep feeling haunted by guilt over the fact that we can purchase so much unecessary stuff when other people are trying hard to feed their families and provide a christmas gift or warm jacket for their chidren.

I'm so blessed with love AND material needs. I definately need to look into ways I can help others this holiday season.

While I was thankful for food, family and friends, my Thanksgiving this year did not live up to Thanksgivings of the past. I built it up so much in my mind the past week and I wanted our first Thanksgiving with Jacob to me AMAZING. I always get holiday let down, even on the best holidays.

We divided our Thanksgiving Day between my family and my husband's family. I don't think I recommend that, nor will we be doing that again in the future. Dinner with my family was an hour late so we had to leave before we could gather around the table with everyone. When we got to husband's family, they had already eaten. So while there were plenty of leftovers for us, we didn't get to sit around the table with everyone and enjoy their company.

After dinner, Jacob was really fussy. I spend the rest of the evening walking him up and down the hallway trying to get him to settle down or take a nap. It's frustrating right now that I'm the only one who can (or is it that I'm the only one who is willing to) calm him down. when he's really fussy, he will cry in my arms forever fighting off sleep. Husband will make an attempt but hands Jacob over to me after 5 or 10 minutes of his crying.

I came home feeling a little gloomy. Then my husband got crabby at me. Sometimes if I make a mess or leave a sock in the bathroom, he freaks out and I feel like he's treating me like a child. Because, you know, when you have a fussy baby in one hand and you are trying to cook, do household chores, or do simple "me" things like put PJs on or brush teeth, it should be impossible to leave a trail of messes behind you. Next time he complains, I'm handing the baby over to him for the rest of the evening.

(note: This post is mostly me letting off steam. USUALLY husband is pretty good about taking the baby and playing with him for a while so I can get stuff done. But, you know, everyone has their bad days)