Thursday, November 13, 2008

Revisiting Body Image

The last five pounds still won't go away. I'm starting to think they are my five permanent new friends. I run (sometimes). I eat less (less broccoli anyway). I carry around a 13 pound baby for hours at a time. These five pounds are chronic! (I understand that some people never lose the last few pounds until they stop I guess I may have to wait it out a couple more months).

I can't decide if I don't mind the change in my body shape- to hell with it, right?- or if I want to strive to regain my old body.

I go through high points and low points regarding my body image. For the last couple months of summer I was huge. I had forgotten what a waistline was. Then I dropped 30 pounds in 30 weeks. After that, it was hard to be judgmental about a lousy five pounds. Even though I was above my pre-pregnancy weight and way above my "ideal" weight- I thought I looked great! Amazing even. Now, sometimes I just get ecstatic to see a waistline. But the other times I look in the mirror and feel so disgusted. My feelings regarding my body image are constantling yo-yoing between ultra high pre-pregnancy and very relaxed pregnancy standards.

In other news, Jacob and I have settled into a familiar daily routine. He usually goes to bed around 8 oclock- give or take half an hour and he'll sleep for about six hours in his bassinet straight before waking up to eat. When he wakes up I bring him into bed with me, feed him and let him fall asleep in my arms. He usually wakes up twice more before being ready to face the world- between 6:30 and 7:30 am.

During the day Jacob will usually only nap twice- each time usually not longer than 45 minutes. Oh and he will ONLY sleep in your arms. The second you put him down, you're lucky if he stays asleep for five more minutes. It's like he has magic sleeping sensors or something. Believe me, I've tried EVERYTHING!! It baffles me that this is only the case during the day.


LL said...

From everything I've read and heard from friends your body won't let you lose those last few pounds until you're done breastfeeding, especially when you're fairly thin. It's an ancient survival thing- should there be famine and drought, you could still feed your baby.

And I totally know what you mean about the back and forth on post-baby body image. I lost the first twenty pounds immediately and felt so skinny and light after gaining 45 with the pregnancy. After a few weeks my memories of weighting +45 lbs. had faded and the extra few I was still holdingn on to were no longer quite so welcome!

But you look fantastic and don't worry those few hangers on, they'll fade away when you wean your little man, especially given how active you are. For now they're just a little extra winter padding ;)

FSD said...

Cee, judging from the pics you've posted, you look GREAT!!! Try not to be too hard on yourself and your new body. I read someone's blog that was going through a tough time with losing the baby weight, only she was discouraged by the additional 40 lbs she had to lose. Anyway, she posted a link to this website that made her feel better because she realized she wasn't as far gone as she could be. Check it out:

You'll probably lose the add'l 5 lbs after you finish breastfeeding, if not sooner.