Thursday, December 4, 2008

Natural Law Of Baby #1

Jacob was baptised this weekend. That's one more baby soul for God and one less for Simon Cowell. Oops, I mean The Devil.

It ended up being a dual baptism. But, all in all, there were three babies in attendance. I think when we weren't looking the babies met up at Burger King and ordered Whopper Jrs. with extra Mayo. Because right before the ceremony, the three of us moms found ourselves bathing our babies in the church's bathroom sink, trying to erase remnants of Major Diaper Blowouts from our children's bodies and clothing. This ALWAYS happens when I decide not to bring an extra change of clothes.

Natural Law of Baby #1: the one day you aren't prepared for your baby to poo all over himself because he has been constipated for four days and, really, what are the chances that he'll go NOW?, is the exact day your baby will let loose four days worth of buttery popcorn smelling poo over any objects within a three foot radius.

But you know, it could have been worse. Jacob could have pooed in his beautifully white baptismal gown and down the priest's robe mid-candle lighting. Talk about Holy Shit. Sorry, I couldn't help it.

Does anyone know a secret to getting mustard colored poop with a delightful seedy texture out of baby clothes? I have a bucket filled with soiled clothing just hanging out in the bathroom and it's starting to become a problem. The poop won't rinse out and there is no way I'm scrubbing that shit (literally). I soaked them in cold water and baking soda but the stains won't come out. Maybe I should dye them all mustard yellow?

Side Note: is it creepy and pedafilish to request that the kids you used to babysit be your Facebook friends? What if you think they have became incredibly hot teenagers? Really, in like 50 years, that ten year age gap will be SO COMPLETELY negligible, right?


LL said...

Aw, congrats to little Jacob and his parents :) and what a beautiful gown!

I love his pictures, he's such an expressive little guy!

FSD said...

What a beautiful gown! Jacob looks too innocent for me to believe he did all the pooing you're speaking of. LOL. Good luck getting the poo out of the clothes! My only suggestion is Spray and Wash???? If it works on things like blood, surely it will work on mustard yellow baby poo. Right? Or am I naive?

LEO said...

CHERUB! Seriously...

and re: Facebook... I have had to refuse requests from kids I used to babysit for... especially after I saw one particular 13 year old girl with a birth date putting her at 21 years old and a picture that was sure to attract pedophiles. Disturbing.

newduck said...

There's a laundry soap called Allen's Naturally. It's ungodly expensive and you have to mail order it, but it works great on baby poo. Bottom line (pun intended) is that if you don't get to the stain fast, it sets in.

newduck said...

Oh, and that first picture is so incredibly cute!