Saturday, December 19, 2009

Spend Now, Income Later

So I think I've mentioned before how I feel guilty that I have a job lined up while my classmates who graduated 6 months ago are still job searching. I really do feel guilty. I know I probably shouldn't, but that's just how I am- I am the person who feels so guilty using the last piece of toilet paper in a public restroom that I opt for the seat cover instead. In a world of natural selection, I'd die out first because I'd be too guilty outliving someone else.

As much as I do feel guilty about the associate positon I have lined up for immediately after the bar exam, I am SO FREAKING GRATEFUL to have potential employment. My firm officially made me an offer on fancy letterhead and everything. And I officially accepted the offer. But nothing in life is ever this easy. I have this horrible sensation in the pit of my stomach- like it's not real. It's too good to be true. My biggest fear right now is that the firm will take back their offer before I begin. It's this haunting feeling that won't go away. I think it has to do with the fact that the economy is still on the mend and that most lawstudents in my class have been unemployed for six months, and have no bites. And I've heard horror stories from others about rescinded job offers.

Thank you employment law research memo of summer 2007 for reminding me that I have no property interest in an at-will employment position.

Anyway, I need this job more than ever now. Part of it has to do with my $120K in outstanding student loan debt. Part of it has to do with the fact that I need a career and experience. But mostly, I'm worried about how the hell I'm going to pay off my Christmas shopping!! I'm relying heavily on my credit card now. I may be broke, but dang it- it's CHRISTMAS. Did you hear me? It's CHRISTMAS! If you have to load yourself down in credit card debt, CHRISTMAS is a darn good reason. (But seriously, someone take my card away because I just can't stop!) The first ten gifts for my son were completely necessary, but I'm starting to question if he REALLY needed the singing and dancing light up elf, or creepy elmo that sings when you shake him (what is THAT supposed to teach our children?), the Twilight boxed set, or the "Santa Is My Homeboy" t-shirt...

I'm saving all my receipts in case I have to prove the element of "reliance" for a restitution-breach of contract claim. (How sick am I for thinking this way- thank you law school).

3 comments:

Juliet said...

Its a kind of "survivor's guilt".
Be grateful, be modest, and try not to worry too much because that's all you can do right now.

It sounds like you've been on a long-overdue shoppers high! :D

Proto Attorney said...

I felt the same way when I got my offer. Guilty that I had a job when others didn't. At the same time, I was willing to do what others weren't -- move.

Also, I swear I was holding my breath waiting for the whole world to topple over on me until I (1) started my job and (2) passed the bar. It felt like a ton of bricks being lifted from my chest when the looming fear of sudden unemployment was over.

Googie Baba said...

Don't feel guilty! I am spending like crazy this Christmas, and I haven't even started to look for a job. Haven't. Even. Looked.