Bar Exam: Day 1

You know how hard it is to get on a plane nowadays with all those silly little rules like no tweezers, no more than 4oz of liquid, and no crack? Well that's about how ridiculous it is to get into the exam room on bar day. First let me back up a little...

I went to bed last night super early for me: 9am. I reviewed my trouble spots and fell into a pit of dispair. All evening I was a wreck. I couldn't eat anything. I was tempted to call home every hour and I even thought about running away and never coming back- but then I remembered how much I paid for my bar exam course, not to mention my education. I had two boughts of crying and went to bed in complete despair, certain that I would be walking to my execution the next morning.

Aside from the stomping from my upstairs hotel neighbor at 2am, and 3am and 4am, which served to interrupt me from three separate horrible nightmares about the bar exam, I actually slept well. I woke up kinda peppy and ready to tackle the exam. For some odd reason I had Garth Brook's "American Honky Tonk Bar Association" song stuck in my head and belted it out in the shower- revenge against Ms. Rude Upstairs Clunky Heels.

I am very particular about what I wear during exams. I HATE to be cold. But I don't mind being hot. I always wear a comfy hooded sweatshirt. But usually I have to wear a lightweight shirt underneath. I opted for a cute, but see through, thin shirt to go under my hoody. I wanted to REPRESENT so I wore my favorite law school hoody. I packed up my gear according to the letter I received stating what is and what is not allowed into the exam room: you can bring food if it is wrapped in a clear ziplock bag. You can bring your laptop, and a jacket and nothing else- not even a laptop case!

I got to the door after registration. But NO. I couldn't go in! My yogurt pretzels in my ziplocked bag were also in their original wrapper- NOT ALLOWED. They might be a pneumonic device of some sort- WHAT THE HECK (and I rarely swear people)? So I took threw the wrapper away. Oh wait- you have a water bottle in your ziplock bag. NOPE. NOT ALLOWED. Because it may be full of poison or liquid crack or, just as likely, performance enhancers. Ok, I tried one more time. BUT NO! I am wearing a HOODIE! Hoods are prohibited in the exam room in case I have my complete administrative law outline printed on the inside in .1, font you know?

I looked at the bar exam door bouncer (a frail old lady but she can still be a bounder- k?).

"I can't take this hoody off. My shirt is kinda see through and I might get cold. The paper doesn't say hoods are not allowed."
"Sorry you have to remove it. Or..."
"Or what? I think I choose "or" because I don't want the entire exam room to know the color of my bra."
"Or you can take these scissors and cut your hood off."
"WHAT THE F*CK!" (I didn't really swear but I felt it with all of my being)

I HATE YOU SNITCH! DIE! DIE! I JUST WANT TO TAKE MY FREAKING EXAM ALREADY!

"Can I at least wear my jacket, the paper says jackets are allowed" I sound pathetic and pleading as I hold up the paper for her to see.
"Does your jacket have a hood?"
"Gulp.....yes...."
"Then no. Oh and you can't bring your paper in either."

I WISH MANY PLAGUES UPON YOU- INCLUDING FROGS FALLING FROM THE SKY DIRECTLY ABOVE YOUR HEAD, LOTCUS INFESTATIONS AND THE DEATH OF EVERY FIRST BORN MALE IN YOUR FAMILY (hey, Moses gave me the idea).

So that is how all of the Washington State Bar exam takers got a preview of my umentionables through my thin, see through shirt.

But I survived day one and it wasn't too horrible. The first two sessions seemed kinda easy but session three kicked my butt. I felt like a whale came up from the floor and gobbled me whole and I had no way to escape but dig through layer after layer of his bulbous whaley blubber (sorry, seven hours of examination has left me crosseyed and delusional, I don't know what I'm saying).

I feel horrible for the guy next to me though. We had a contracts question, torts question and will question during the first session and he starts talking about how he's glad the UCC Sales question is over. Except it was a contract for a service, not a good, so that guy basically screwed himself on the first question (I was kind enough not to say anything- if he had told me I botched an entire question in the first session I would basically flip out).

Then we had family law, criminal procedure, and an LLC question. The last session was real property, civil procedure and a horrible crazy constitutional law problem. I think that was our weirdo tricky question so I'm crossing my fingers that the rest of the questions tomorrow are straight forward. Here's to being done with day one! Now time to hit the real bar for a virgin margarita...