Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Ask And Ye Shall Regret: Angry Preggo On The Loose

I'm seriously considering buying one of those t-shirts that say, "Yes, I am pregnant. It's a boy/girl. He/she is due Aug 29th. No you cannot touch my belly."

At first I found it exciting to talk about my pregnancy with others. But as questions from family, friends and acquaintenances keep coming with greater intensity and frequency I find myself yearning for one of those boxing nun puppets to sock people in the eyeballs with.

In the future, if I ever DO spring for a maternity shirts, I will have to add a couple more lines to it: No, I haven't felt the baby kick yet. Yes we picked out a name. I only crave hamburgers. I hope you get hit with Harry Potter's slug vomiting spell.

And seriously, if one more person asks me if I'm excited to "show" I think I'll explode. This weekend My mom asked me why I wasn't showing off my baby belly. "It's so natural. It's one of God's miracles and it's so beautiful." she explained. My simple answer to her was: "Pooping is natural. But I don't shout, 'it's so beautiful' and jump up and down each time I poop..." Wait a second, I do get excited each time I poop...that's what happens when you're plagued with constipation. Needless to say my mom was not thrilled by the fact that I'm more excited about poop than having a "baby belly."

Anyway, If I start buying maternity t-shirts, I'll have to find one that says, "I'm with stupid" with an arrow pointing towards my tummy. Do you think people will be offended? I mentioned this idea to my husband, who thought it was the best thing since Wii bowling. He rationally pointed out the truth of the statement. "Babies ARE stupid. They can't read or write. They can't even talk!"

Clearly, if it's true, it can be justified.


the dragonfly said...

I had a different experience when I was pregnant; I had waited so long to be pregnant, had years of disappointment, so I was thrilled to answer questions about my pregnancy.

But I still didn't want people to touch my belly unless I asked them to. :)

Law Student Hot Mama said...

Man if you wore that people would be REALLY pissed off . . . (though I think it's hilarious). I bet old ladies would come give you unsolicited comments. The worst part is it just gets worse when they're born . . because the random belly gropings have become touching MY BABY . . . and I always tell people not to. Because I don't know where their hands have been.