Friday, March 28, 2008

Lawschool Is Driving Me Into An Apathy-Induced Coma

When it comes to law school classes this semester, I am a triple pile-up car wreck with auto parts flying in the air, skid marks all over the ground, and huge puddles of leaking oil. My classmates are the passerbys looking on with mouths agape, screaming in horror.

Ok, maybe that description is a little extreme, but I really can't over estimate my inability to focus, my complete lack of motivation towards the drudgery of studying, and almost complete apathy towards my future legal career. On weekends, I would rather do a sink full of dirty dishes BY HAND (we dont have a dishwasher), two full loads of laundry, and a complete dusting sweep of the furniture in my house rather than sit down with my International Business Transactions book.

I get to school in the mornings, scramble to skim the assignment for my class in 60 minutes, give up halfway through and look for the nearest available mental distraction. I cower deep in my seat whenever a professor scans the classroom for his next victim. I am so far behind in all my readings that it will take a "raising from the dead" category of miracle for me to catch up. I look to the end of the semester with raw excitement and utter dread at the same time because I know I will never be prepared enough to do well on any of my exams but I just FREAKING want to be DONE ALREADY!

Oh, did I mention I have a whole 'nother year of law school to go after this? Why didn't I just listent to my mom and become a highschool english teacher? WHY?!

Here are some of the reasons why I cannot be productive:

There is a tiny human growing inside me, eating my food and sucking energy from my body. All I can think about is: how big is he/she now? According to its as big as a green pepper! How much does he/she weigh now? Is it a boy or a girl? Could there be twins? When will the doctor call me for my next ultrasound?! Do I have to shave Down There before delivery? How will I even reach Down There? Will my boobs still be this sore when I have to nurse? Was that the baby moving or just gas?

My sister in law recently gave birth to her first child this week. Holding him was amazing and I can't stop thinking about his little tiny fingers and his cute chubby cheeks. Visiting her in the hospital also gave me the most ferocious itch to have a baby RIGHT NOW. I can't wait 5 more months, I'll explode. Hmm... in a couple more weeks my baby will be viable (no Cee, don't get any crazy ideas!).

My sister in law's baby stole our future son's middle name. Now what the heck am I supposed to do? It was the only middle name I liked. I will hold a grudge against this kid for the rest of his life. Time to go name hunting...again.

I'm waiting to hear back from a firm about a legal job for the summer. Parts of me really want this job- its a great firm and a great opportunity. The other parts of me don't want this job. I don't want to commute 4 hours a day and I really want to stay home all summer and eat bon bons.


Don Mills Diva said...

Just stumbled across your blog and your excitement over your baby really brought back memories of my own pregnancy and made me smile!

Law Student Hot Mama said...

I'm not productive, either . . . and I'm not ashamed! I embrace my apathy! And I have no excuse for it!

LL said...

I totally understand! I couldn't focus at all during most of 2L because I only wanted to read more about babies, baby products, and baby names. Soooo much more interesting than securities regulation.

And I definitely think you can reuse a middle name - it's not a first name and so many people use "family names for middle names that you can't help repeating. Actually, now that I think about it, every boy in my mom's side of the family has the same middle name.