Monday, March 31, 2008

Things Husband Needs To Learn Before The Baby Comes

1. You cannot substitute a car seat by putting baby on a bed matress in the back of a pick up truck.

2. Babies cannot drink Rainier Beer. Until they are at least six months old.

3. Not only is it unsanitary, but it is impossible to train the baby to use our cats' litter boxes.

4. Regardless of your own father's behavior (yeah, I know, you turned out alright- but DID you?), an outdoor "hosedown" is not an appropriate way to clean a baby's dirty bottom or to give a baby a bath.

5. Tempting as it may be, you cannot clothe a baby in garbage bags, or a towel.

6. He will have an obligatory role in midnight feedings: bringing me a glass of wine and a bar of chocolate.


Law Student Hot Mama said...

Oh but there's SO MUCH to add to that list! Like baby does not double as hood ornament . . . .

Butterflyfish said...

That infants really cannot eat ice cream (yes, I know its milk based)

That footrubs are mandatory daily therapy for new mothers.

That breastfeeding does NOT make a woman feel sexy, so mock-porno music is NEVER approriate.

So, so much more...

Cee said...

mock-porno music?! LOL!

the dragonfly said...

A staple gun, duct tape, and/or velcro are not to be used to keep baby in his/her bed, or from rolling off the couch.

Dipping the baby's pacifier in beer is not acceptable.