Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Cleaning Out the Bitches

It's spring right? So I did a little spring cleaning today. It wasn't my kitchen or my bathroom or my junk piles that got the scrubbing. Not even of my wardrobe was the target. Today, I cleaned all the bitches out of my life. Yep, and I feel like I just took the most heavenly bubble bath. In fact, I wish I had more bitches to throw out.

The story about this particular Bitch is a long one. We started out friends and roomates in college. Then something got between us (which I never fully understood) and we had a horrific, terrible falling out. One thing I learned about this person is that if you EVER get on her bad side, you would be shunned and treated with disdain by her for life. So, somehow, I ended up there and she never let me forget it.

I don't want to go into the messy details but she finally came out and told me she was bi-sexual. Apparently, I wasn't "sensitive" or "respectful" enough towards what might have been her feelings towards me even though I had no reason to suspect we were anything but friends in her eyes. How the hell was I supposed to know how she felt when she was determined to keep it a secret?

We haven't been the same since. Since I moved away, I had hoped we could salvage our friendship. She made this impossible. i promised to send her a photo I took of her once I moved. Well in my move across the country, it got misplaced. She resented me for a year because of this. (um, grow up?). I offered many olive branches towards her- I guess part of me missed what we had and part of me just couldn't stand the thought of someone not liking me. I eventually went on with my life, thinking of her less and less. When I got married, she reacted by exclaiming how much my marriage would affect her- how much she would have to deal with it. When she found out I was pregnant she unloaded to me about how much me having a baby will push her further out of my life and how she would now have to deal with this new issue. Everything I did seemed to boil down to her. These happy things in my life were becoming a source of guilt as she continued to make me the target of her problems.

Well today, I finally stood up for myself. I decided that I could not afford to let people like her become bruises in my life. I could no longer give her the power to tormet me. I have to thank my pregnancy hormones for giving me the courage to stand up for myself and telling her what I should have told her years ago- to go away.

You know what she said? She told me that if I ever found another friend like her, that I didn't deserve it. First of all, after our major fall out she never was a "real" friend again. Even before then, I realize now how our friendship was based on convenience and utility. She was never that great of a friend. Not the kind of person you can count on to help you out when you really needed it, only when it was convenient or comfortable for her. Besides, I found my husband and he replaced her friendship long ago.

Then she told me that it was a pity that death would destroy all I hold dear. Talk about being morbid and dramatic. She was clearly trying to get to me (she knows I fear the unknown about the afterlife and my mortality). I get it, she's totally jealous. She's conflicted on the inside and torn between her two sexual identities. She is jealous of the happiness I found in a long term relationship.

I'm glad I cleaned this Bitch out of my life. Life is too short and too precious to allow people in who make us miserable. I will miss what we once had, even if it was a convenience relationship, because we did have a lot of fun. But I don't need her or miss her anymore. I don't need to always be the "kind" one or the "giving" one. I don't need to be liked by everyone on the planet.

As I drove home from class tonight, I felt a totally new sense of peace. I sang along to Jack Johnson (with the bass turned up) and a smile spread across my face that lasted for 90 miles. Why? After all the insult and injury. Because I finally stood up for myself. I broke through my weakness. I threw out something that I had been clinging to and had caused me nothing but grief these past couple years. I finally realized that I really didn't need her or her approval. I felt new, fresh, clean, independent, and a million times more confident.

5 comments:

the dragonfly said...

Good for you!!

Law Student Hot Mama said...

Ah, more proof that other people are nicer than I am. My idea of cleaning out the Bitches is to . . . well . . . either tell them to "eff off" or just simply never call them again. You at least told her of your intent to never call her again! Also, I probably would have gotten to the "eff off" stage LONG long ago. Kudos for you for trying with her . . . . again and again!

newduck said...

I completely sympathize with this. I recently had to get rid of a friend who had been dragging me down for years, and it was precipitated by my getting pregnant. Somehow it seems like pregnancy brings out the worst in bad friends, while at the same time giving us the strength to get rid of them.

PT-LawMom said...

Good for you for breaking the negative cycle and recognizing that the relationship was beyond repair rather than continuing to let her act as a bruise on your life. I love that imagery!

Proto Attorney said...

Good for you! Some people just don't know how to be friends with other people. And they wonder why they can't keep friends, because it's always someone else's fault!

The older I get, the less tolerant I am of people who don't treat me with respect. Everyone has conflict with other people at some point, but it's how you deal with it that matters. Some people just act like children instead of dealing with their issues and discussing it like rational adults. You're definitely better off without her craziness!