Friday, January 29, 2010

What She REALLY Wants For V-Day

Sure flowers are good. Who would turn their nose at a box of chocolates? And who would decline free dinner out on the town? But if your girl is like me, these things are just pretext for what she REALLY wants. And the good news guys, what she REALLY wants won't cost you a dime.

What a girl (at least me) wants for Valentine's Day is REALLY simple. So why can't guys ever get it right? Maybe it's because they are so focused on making reservations or are totally overwhelmed by what to buy. The best V-day gift, however, cannot be found in a department store (although, we do like things in department stores). It cannot be bought on Amazon.com (although, feel free to blow your wad on a ton of stuff for us- we won't mind, really).

What she really wants is.... YOU! Amazing huh? Or to be more specific, your total enamoration and constant attention. This is all I ever want for any special occassion- attention! For one night out of the year, I want the luxury of pretending I am in a romance novel and the main hero (you) cannot get enough of me. I want my guy to at least PRETEND that his every next breath depends upon him being in close proximity to me. I want him to act like he doesn't see me every day of his life. To pretend I am hotter than a stolen Honda Accord complete with six-cd changer stereo and subwoofers so powerful they could shoot your backseat granny straight through the roof.

IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR?

Since guys are SIMPLE. And the prior paragraphs are probably too much to soak in all at once, let me spell it out to you in PLAIN. SIMPLE. ENGLISH. Here is a list of things I recommend that guys should do on V-day. Since, I'm not sure about the male species' ability to count above ten, I will keep this list short (just kidding guys- I love you).

1. Tell her she looks beautiful. More than once.

2. Act like you mean it. Seriously. Don't just mumble "your hot" under your breath. Step back, look at her, take a deep breath and say, "wow, you look beautiful." This is important. Got it?

3. Hold her hand. It won't kill you. Buy hand sanitizer if you're worried.

4. Put your hand on the small of her back whenever you are not holding her hand.

5. Make an effort to dress up. Then complement HER outfit. Ok, technically that's two but they are related.

6. Put your hand on her knee whenever appropriate.

7. Lead her into at least one unexpected and romantic kiss (against a wall, sneaking a kiss in public, in the rain, under the moonlight, on a beach, surrounded by green fairy dust and a serenading moon in a bohemian themed musical- whatever floats your boat- or hers).

8. Act like you want her. Scratch that- you NEED her. Your body needs to take her right then and there. But you won't, of course, because of those inconvenient laws against "public indecency." Show her you need her by flirting with your touches and your longing gazes all night long.

9. Show fore-thought. Even if it is making reservations one day in advance. Or writing a short little note. Don't just pick up a card on your way home for work. And if you do, heaven's sakes, take it out of the plastic bag and sign it BEFORE she sees it.

Now, Good luck (husband are you reading?)!

2 comments:

PT-LawMom said...

You said it, sister!

LL said...

I sent this to JP, who immediately insisted that he already does all these things. Which is kind of true, but a succinct reminder never hurt anyone!

I tell JP frequently that if guys want to know what a girl wants, just read a romance novel. Just one - and it doesn't have to even be a good one. But the heroes in those books do all the things you just described and they're written by woman as fantasies. So if a guy in real life can do a couple of them now and then, he's a winner. JP has yet to take me up on my suggestion, but it really does hold the key to unlocking our feminine mystique ;)

I hope your hubby reads it and you have a lovely, romance novel worthy Valentine's Day!