I can say that I have been studying for 15 days straight. And when I say straight I mean continuously (hey that's just three elements shy of adverse possession!). I don't know how to describe the feeling of coming out of a two week period of constant study just to realize you still have over a whole month to go. Think about how horrible law finals are then wrap your brain around extending those two weeks of hell into two months of hell.
I have so many laws swimming aroung in my head right now that I'm afraid of talking to other people. I'm afraid that something in our conversation will remind me of a rule of law and I will feel compelled to share it right on the spot. I'm afraid of reading anything other than my barbri books in case new knowledge in equals old knowledge out. Most importantly, I am afraid of over-complaining to my husband in case doing so will terminate any chance of future reproduction I have with that man. So far I think he just takes pity on me and, above anything else right now(aside from willing the bar exam out of existence), I want everyone's pity.
It's immature, I know. But I'm so miserable in bar exam land (and I'm doing it all alone at home!) that I want everyone around me to know and feel how miserable I am. I want to share with everyone how horrible it is, this thing I have to do. And that is why I should be thankful that I am a recluse shut-in until AFTER the bar is over.
And yes, we don't have the MBE here in Washington but you know what? You should still feel sorry for me because we have INDIAN LAW. No, it's not as fun as it sounds-nothing about cool indigenous rituals, nothing about buffalos or wolf packs, no bow and arrows, and NO COWBOYS. It's all federal preemption, complex federal statutes, jurisdiction and defining Indian Country (which incidentally may include Indian land and non-Indian land). Did you know there is a difference between non-Indians and Non-member Indians. Yeah, I had to re-listen to that lecture five times.
The worst part of bar prep is that I feel like I'm letting the rest of my life fall to the wayside. My house is a mess, my laundry is in heaps around my house (and I think it may be harboring something organic) and I don't get to spend any time with my quickly growing toddler. He learns new stuff everyday at his grandparents house and I just get to hear about it after the fact. At night when I put him to bed, I just want to cuddle with him, hold him in my arms forever and try to preserve everything about him that's so precious. Lately he's been missing me so much that he wants me to rock him to sleep each night (he usually goes into his crib and falls asleep on his own). I rock him for a little but the stress of three untaken practice exams waiting for me is just to much and I have to put him down.
So I try to make the times I do have with him count. Making him breakfast and getting him ready for bed. And everyday, no matter how much I have to do, I take time out for us to eat dinner together. All this juggling and balancing is making me exhausted. And then I give Jacob his bath and he drains out all the water and poops in the tub. Then, while I'm grabbing some toilet paper to clean it up, he grabs the poop and rubs it all over his belly. WONDERFUL!