Saturday, January 5, 2008

A Good Book - For Me to Poop On.

I read in a pregnancy book I picked up at the Ghetto Library that if you don't feel nauseous in your sixth week it is unlikely that you ever will.

Damn, damn, damn that book for giving me a false sense of security~! At exactly seven weeks I started to feel nauseous throughout the day. Luckily I discovered a temporary cure for my nauseous in a box of perfectly breaded Boca Burger Chick'n Patties. For two whole days I wondered around the Puget Sound with a plastic wrapped chick'n patty stuffed in my pocket, "just in case." The whole time I had to keep asking myself: "really!? This isn't real chicken!?"

Needless to say, I want to rip the pages out of that book, stomp on it, and take a dump all over its glossy pages. Of course, I wont! Because despite having three bowls of Kellog's All-Bran breakfast cereal in 24 hours, I still can't function like normal "regular" adults. How much fiber can you eat before it becomes unhealthy? Can you die from not being able to "empty" yourself?

Now for the New Year's resolution: I promise to focus less on poop in my subsequent posts.

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