Thursday, January 31, 2008

Grey Cloud Over My Head

I don't know why I ever thought I was missing out on an essential experience of pregnancy by not having nausea. I was crazy! Now I have nauseous off and on all day long. It strikes at the most random times and leaves me hunched over in class with a look of complete disgust (or is it constipation?) on my face. I'm sure if anyone notices, they think I'm going down the mental drain- rocking back and forth to myself and making crazy faces.

Also, I have to pee. Alot. I knew this would happen, but I didn't know how much self control I would lack. I ran a mile downhill to catch my ferry yesterday and each bouncing step of the way I thought I would pee myself. I feel sorry for the poor guy I collided with during my frantic rush to the ferry restroom. Words of advice for unsuspecting third parties: don't EVER come between a pregnant lady and the restroom.

The symptom which has changed my life, or to be less dramatic: my schedule, the most is complete exhaustion. I'm used to going for an entire week off of 5 hours of sleep a night, 6 if I'm lucky. Now I start slowing down at 6:00pm. If I'm at my home or near a couch, I will pass out and wake up at 7:00am the next morning- no joke! I'm so tired by the time I get home that all I can muster is taking off my jacket and walking to the couch before I collapse for 12 straight hours. All I can do during the weekend is lay all day on the couch and take intermittent naps. Oh and these aren't your average cat naps either, these are coma-like, dream-infused naps.

Constipation: wont go away. No matter what I do I can't seem to remedy this symptom. I give up. I'm sick of trying to pour a swiming pool quanity of water down my throat each day. Sick of eating inhumane amounts of fiber. SICK SICK SICK of that nasty tasting, fake "mixed berry" flavored Metamucil. Nothing helps! I feel like I'm walking around with a bowl of poo inside me. I'm even afraid to eat because there is where for it to go...

I don't know if this is a symptom or not, I like to think it is so that I have a reasonable explanation for it, but I dread law school this semester. I hate my alarm for waking me up at 5:05am. I hate the house for being cold. I hate the fact that I have to expunge the energy to get DRESSED for school (I don't even get dressed for my husband) and make a lunch. I hate catching the ferry each morning. I hate the crammed bus rides to my campus. I hate my classes. I hate the students who always know the answers and understand the readings. In fact, I hate everything about law school right now.

I have absolutely no motivation. I do have bitter resentment for my ever increasing student loans though. Today in my 8:30am class, I realized just how much I hated being in law school right now and I started to cry all over myself. I don't think anyone noticed, but I didn't even care anymore. When I realized I was crying, I started to cry more. Before I knew it, there was a low-hanging grey cloud circling above my head and a puddle of tears on my computer.

I hope I'm not fooling myself by saying that it can only get better from here.

3 comments:

Law Student Hot Mama said...

wThe first trimester is absolutely the worst. I didn't have any nausea with my son, but I definitely had the mind-numbing exhaustion . . . it was gone by about 16 weeks, though. Not sure what week you're on, but it does get better - and it's fine for about 3 months before you get to the huge stage. The huge stage for me was sort of like "Oh my God it's moving towards me" in scale.

I have no motivation to go to law school either - and no pregnancy excuse.

CM said...

Blech. Hope you feel better.

Remember the three Ps of pregnancy: Pantyliners, sweatPants, and naPs.

PT-LawMom said...

I just realized I don't have you in my Bloglines. Why oh why? I'm so sorry!

No one ever tells you that it's not really babies that are hard. It's PREGNANCY!!! I napped every day while I was pregnant. Sometimes twice! Know why I don't have a second child (well, besides the whole malnutrition thing?)? It's because PREGNANCY SUCKS!!!!

You should try Republic of Tea Ginger Mint or Ginger Peach teas for the nausea. I also found that drinking a ton more water helped. Even if you think you are drinking a lot, drinking even more and staying as hydrated as possible helps with the exhaustion and the nausea (although it won't help with the peeing!)

Get a body pillow. It makes sleeping so much more comfortable. A pillow between your knees works great, too. More than anything else, just give yourself permission to take naps and you will feel so much better. Eat protein and eat regular, small, balanced meals throughout the day to keep your blood sugar steady. Feel better!