Friday, April 25, 2008

A Forced Change of Attitude

I guess yesterday was just a bad day. I'm allowed to have those every once in a while right? I'll blame the hormones, oh and finals. While I'm at it, I'll blame global warming and the Bush Administration too.

I feel much better today. I think as my belly starts to look more like a baby belly and less like chub/flab I will like it better. When I see other pregnant women, I think they look beautiful and adorable. I'm just having a hard time seeing myself that way. It's such a big change to get used to. I think my problem is that I'm comparing myself to others. My mom barely showed at all until she was 7.5 months pregnant. I'm been holding on to the unreal expectation that I would be the same. But that's ridiculous and I need to let it go. It's so awful to compare myself with other pregnant people because we all are different and our babies are all different too.

I'm working on a healthier frame of mind. As long as I'm getting all the nutrients that my baby needs, I should be happy. Kids ARE a sacrifice, but in a good way. As soon as Baby Palmer is born worries about my career and future will be replaced by worries of him. I know I will still have to take care of myself but babies and children need parents who are selfless and loving. This whole pregnancy thing is just the beginning and I need to get used to it.

A fellow law student who had two babies during law school told me that she is glad she had her kids so close together so she could "get it out of the way and get back to her life." She didn't mean it in a bad way but I was totally repulsed. Your kids BECOME your life. In my opinion, you shouldn't want to get them "out of the way" and you shouldn't feel like having kids puts your life on hold. At least, I don't want to feel this way. To me, my career is important, but raising children will be one of the most important things I will do. I need to stop myself when I feel like I'm "putting my own life on hold."

For now, I will just think of the end result: a cute, healthy baby boy. It helps to buy baby clothes, plan the nursery, and do all the other prep work- it keeps me focused. I need to remember why we wanted this in the first place.

I can do this. I re-accept the pregnancy challenge! The parenting challenge? That's a whole 'nother issue....


postscript said...

It's good to hear that you're feeling happier today. And yes, we all deserve bad days. Or bad weeks. It happens.

Law Student Hot Mama said...

Good for you! And yes, I think a little bit of violent shifting from love love loving pregnancy to hate hate hating it is perfectly normal!

LL said...

"As soon as Baby Palmer is born worries about my career and future will be replaced by worries of him"

I don't think that's necessarily true. Kids don't have to replace all thoughts and plans for your own career, they become intertwined with them. I also don't think kids have to "BECOME" your life and maybe it's better if they don't. They're a huge, important, time-consuming, exhausting, occasionally overwhelming, and absolutely wonderful part of your life.