When it comes to parenting, I love all the special, tender moments but I sometimes hate all the tasks that go with them. Sometimes I feel like my day fills up with menial task after menial task. Change diaper. Throw away diaper. Put away diapering stuff. Make bottle. Clean bottle. Make bottle. Clean bottle. Change another outfit. Put away the dirty/poopy clothes. Take out toys. Pick up toys. These small chores seem to steal all my time and energy. Before I know it, the day is done, I've been busy all day, but I haven't actually DONE anything.
Since starting school, I've gotten used to having Me time again. Even if I'm just studying or at school- I can set my own pace and focus on taking care of me. I'm not on call 24-7. I can sit and rest without interruption. I can actually take breaths while I eat instead of inhaling my food. I can pee at a leisurely pace! I can move from one building to another without strapping the baby into the carrier, grabbing the diaper bag and hauling everything with me. And believe it or not, It's mentalling exhausting making mommy-type decisions all day (even if it's just "bananas or prunes?") and worrying constantly.
Don't get me wrong, between all the menial tasks are golden moments of heart warming smiles, wonderous play times and sweet snuggles. I just finally realized that I dont hate doing my own thing (on my own!). It's like when you love being around your best friend, but don't want to spend every second with her.
I think I also realized HOW working moms are able to go back to work. I used to think I could never go to work with a nonschool age child at home. Instead, now I'm thinking maybe I could never really be a stay at home mom - at least not full time. I LOVE spending my time with Jacob, but I also need breaks. I need to accomplish things that fall outside the realm of baby-duty. For my own sanity, the sake of personal liberty, and for the sake of not having to inhale my breakfast sandwich!