Saturday, March 14, 2009

Sometimes It Sucks (Out Your Energy)

When it comes to parenting, I love all the special, tender moments but I sometimes hate all the tasks that go with them. Sometimes I feel like my day fills up with menial task after menial task. Change diaper. Throw away diaper. Put away diapering stuff. Make bottle. Clean bottle. Make bottle. Clean bottle. Change another outfit. Put away the dirty/poopy clothes. Take out toys. Pick up toys. These small chores seem to steal all my time and energy. Before I know it, the day is done, I've been busy all day, but I haven't actually DONE anything.

Since starting school, I've gotten used to having Me time again. Even if I'm just studying or at school- I can set my own pace and focus on taking care of me. I'm not on call 24-7. I can sit and rest without interruption. I can actually take breaths while I eat instead of inhaling my food. I can pee at a leisurely pace! I can move from one building to another without strapping the baby into the carrier, grabbing the diaper bag and hauling everything with me. And believe it or not, It's mentalling exhausting making mommy-type decisions all day (even if it's just "bananas or prunes?") and worrying constantly.

Don't get me wrong, between all the menial tasks are golden moments of heart warming smiles, wonderous play times and sweet snuggles. I just finally realized that I dont hate doing my own thing (on my own!). It's like when you love being around your best friend, but don't want to spend every second with her.

I think I also realized HOW working moms are able to go back to work. I used to think I could never go to work with a nonschool age child at home. Instead, now I'm thinking maybe I could never really be a stay at home mom - at least not full time. I LOVE spending my time with Jacob, but I also need breaks. I need to accomplish things that fall outside the realm of baby-duty. For my own sanity, the sake of personal liberty, and for the sake of not having to inhale my breakfast sandwich!


Someone Being Me said...

Staying home can get pretty tiring but that's why they invented Mother's Day Out. You get a little bit of a break while still getting to be a SAHM. I have Bear in 6 hours a week which allows me a day to run errands, eat a leisurely lunch, and have a little me time. Although the new baby won't be in MDO until probably the spring semester next year so I will be giving up the me time for a little while but it is worth it.

Genesis said...

I realized about a month after my first son was born that I wasn`t cut out to just be a SAHM. It was so BORING! :P I couldn`t work outside the home either, so what I did was start working at home. Still includes the daily routine (now times 2), but I also get to do something a bit more exciting and earn some cash, so it feels more worthwhile.

newduck said...

I totally get this! I've often thought that I would be a great stay at home mom if I just had a full time maid, butler, chef, and chauffeur.

LEO said...

ahhhhhhhh, yes! to everything you said! There isn't much time in the day for anything besides feeding Timmy, changing Timmy, calming Timmy, pumping, cleaning bottles, etc... Going to the grocery store with him becomes so exhausting I don't have energy to cook when I get home!
I feel the same way you do about working, but somehow I'm signed up to be a SAHM for a year and a half now!

gudnuff said...

The menial tasks part of parenting a preschool-age child are absolutely exhausting. It's so much work, energy, focus, time and when the day is done, you've got nothing tangible to point to and say, "There is what I've accomplished through my efforts today." Other than a safe, healthy, sleeping child, perhaps. While working full time at this stage of my daughter's life - the preschool stage - I struggled with constant resentment towards coworkers and clients who didn't have to deal with all those menial tasks. Their days were so easy! I remember how exhausting it was. I think you're doing a fantastic job, Cee. I think you are amazing.