I have only received two grades so far, but they are bad enough to make me want to bury my head in elephant droppings for a whole semester if it means I don't have to step foot into another law class.
I know, I know, for 363 days a year I practically preach that law school grades don't determine who you are and that overcoming them is the easiest way to keep your sanity. But for those other 2 days out of the year (when spring and fall grades come out), my guard comes down and I am as dependent on my grades as Miss Straight A- Law Review Editor.
I was so devastated this time around because I spend a LOT of time and energy on studying for these two tests. I worked really hard on my outlines, re-read the cases, took practice tests and created diagrams and timelines...what more could I have done? I expected to do pretty well because of all my hard work, but as I have to re-learn every semester, hard work in law school does not always translate into equivalent grades. Or is it just me? Am I doomed to be a failure?
Times like this, I am certain that I should have gone to art school instead.
So I let myself cry and pout for a day. I let myself throw pillows at the wall and stomp on my law school books. I allowed thoughts of quitting and un-registering for all my spring semester classes rush through my mind. I let myself HATE with a vengeance my law school friends who commented about their good grades on online chat programs and facebook.
Then, there was a new day. These thoughts slowly trickled out of my brain. I stopped clenching kitchen knives while repeating the names of my straight A lawschool rivals. I reminded myself that I had only seen two grades so far and that better grades were yet to come. I received an email telling me that spots had opened in Construction law and I was the first on the waitlist (probabaly the only one on the waitlist). Yay!
Without fail, I am now back to my normal determined self. I promise to work three times harder than anyone else in my classes. I WILL study every saturday to create and update my outlines weekly. I'm going to buy all the study aids I can and answer practice questions. I will try to forget that I was this determined last semester too and it did me no good. I am summoning every ounce of self confidence that I can recover in this lawschool-broken mind.
In the end, we have to spend our time enjoying every second of life. I will not waste my time worrying and stressing out. Insert Personal Mantra: "Everything always works out for the better."
Maybe I'm Schizophrenic?
Thursday, January 10, 2008
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Hey! Thanks for the comment on my blog. I'm learning Thai because the federal government is paying me $48,000 to learn Thai. It's called a FLAS, and most grad students are eligible for it, but they especially like awarding it to law and med students. If you're not already a 3L, it might not be too late to apply. You pick a language and fill out the application. If you get it, they pay your full tuition, plus give you $15,000 cash to live on for the year and pay for your health, dental and life insurance. All you have to do is take an undergrad language. Also, the credits go toward your law degree. Here's the link: http://www.ed.gov/programs/iegpsflasf/index.html
If you decide to apply, let me know and I'll give you the best advice I have for convincing them to give it to you.
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