Crazy Emotions

My OB confirmed today at my appointment that there is absolutely nothing going on "down there." I really thought this week would be different. I was sure baby would give me some sign that he was ready to meet the world. My due date is only three days away- how much longer can he just hang out? It's not like there's a TV in there!

So, my doctor scheduled me for a non stress test next week. I have no idea what that is except that it involves monitoring the baby. My doctor also informed me that if baby doesn't come by then, she will schedule to induce me sometime the week after that- we're talking SEPTEMBER people!! SO NOT COOL.

Scheduling the appointment for next week just made it all sink it. The reality of the fact that I will likely be pregnant for ten more days suddenly weighed down hard on me. I lumbered out of the doctor's office (picture the stride of a bow-legged lumberjack with his head hung low), climbed into my car and had a major melt down. I felt disappointed. Let down. Sad. Depressed. Angry.

Part of me knows that it's best to wait until my body is ready. Part of me rationalizes that ten more days is nothing after waiting nine months. The other part of me DOESN'T GIVE TWO SHITS ABOUT RATIONALITY. I want to meet my baby and I want to meet him RIGHT NOW. After nine months of tortue, the least I deserve is for my due date to be accurate.

After my melt down, I took my immediate material happiness into my own hands. I went to the mall and had some General Tsao's chicken. Then I rented two discs of Season One Desperate Housewives. Finally, I went to the grocery store and bought a box of chocolate chip granola bars and Peach Snapple. I was beginning to feel much better already.

As I waited patiently at the back of a long check out line, a grocer lady approached me and, calling me by my last name, she offered to help me at the next check stand. 1. She remembered my name! I was so flattered and felt so special. 2. I went from the back of one line to the very front of the next one.

Granola bar in one hand and my Snapple in the other, I walked out of the store feeling high as a kite.